#specifically I want to know what younger me would think of my major combo because tbh it sorta came out of left field for me as well

[wondergirl-lovebot]

It is truly crazy that I turn 21 in a couple of days and I started this blog when I was fully a 12 year old

like I wanna know how middle school me would respond to who I am now

[sharkselfies]

this is kind of a weird question, but do you happen to know of anywhere i might find shots of the terror’s sick bay? looking for refs but i don’t follow too many terror blogs

BOY DO I EVER!! not a weird question at all! thank you for asking and for your patience while i wrote all this stuff in response. you probably know some of it already, but i wanted to try to be as thorough as possible.

cinemaqua, the hungarian water park that bought the ship set after filming ended, uploaded a bunch of high quality photos with the sets relatively in tact. there is one very good one of the sickbay:

check out those little shelves with railings so the bottles don't fall off if they're sailing in rough waters (or being crushed and shifted by the pack ice).

i know you asked about terror's sickbay specifically; however, as this behind the scenes video mentions, they just used the one set for both ships, so technically terror and erebus's sickbays are the same place. however, the set designers did change a few details here and there to make them look different--the erebus scenes are a bit fancier than the terror ones, swapping out curtains for real doors, looking a bit less weather beaten, etc. (semi-relatedly, did you know erebus, even though she's the flagship and is larger, is the younger ship? terror was ordered in 1812 completed in 1813, while erebus was ordered in 1823, laid down in '24, and launched in '26. so it does make sense she might look a bit more modern!)

there are 2 good detail shots of sickbay set dressing in that video:

anyway, this is the part that took me so long to get back to you on--making a list of all the scenes that take place in each ship's sickbay (which ended up accidentally turning into a partial rewatch and list of all the scenes with the doctors). we actually see terror's sickbay less frequently than erebus's (since goodsir and stanley, both stationed on erebus, are more major characters than are mcdonald and peddie on terror), at least at first. we don't get our first glimpse into the terror sickbay until episode four! but once we've seen it, we spend a LOT of time there.

the best episodes to rewatch to take your own terror sickbay screencaps would be episodes 4 and 5, then! (the best ep for erebus sickbay screencaps would def be episode 1 since you basically get shots from every angle with the combo of david young's initial exam + the hallucination at the foot of his bed.)

here are some of my own caps from 5 that show off the background details of terror's sickbay really well so you can get a good sense of where things are!

notice how they even moved all the lanterns to one side of the room for blanky's amputation at the end of the episode?

speaking of lanterns, you may find it useful to brighten your screencaps if you can, because this show is SO dark sometimes. a brightened screencap on twitter was what helped me first notice there were anatomical diagrams on terror's sickbay walls! you can see those clearly behind goodsir when he's telling macca abt the lead line on morfin's gums in 4 and behind crozier veeery briefly and blurrily during blanky's amputation in 5.

(stanley has one on the wall of his cabin as well when goodsir's telling him about the lead poisoning in ep 6, i believe. it's not 100% clear where this scene takes place since it's quite focused on their faces and not the backgrounds so much, but i think it's in his room)

finally, when i don't feel like doing an actual rewatch or digging through a mountain of screenshots for references, i'll just go browse the stephen stanley or alexander m(a)cdonald tags, since they tend to have most of their scenes in their respective sickbays and the gifsets made by creators there can be a great help for slowing things down and observing! def follow theterroramc if you want to follow some more terror blogs too, because they curate everything and have a really comprehensive tagging system!

thank you again for your question and i hope this long winded reply was helpful for you! anyone else feel free to chime in with more details in the replies or reblogs as well.

[thesaltyoceanwaves]

Adrien’s Room and Memorabilia: A Sequel Post

Well, I hinted at a similar arc for Adrien in this post, so let’s brainstorm.

CW: mentions of harassment

The major difference between Adrien and Marinette in this instance is that Mari’s room is about her working through her social anxieties and developing meaningful relationships. Adrien’s focus is on his lonely nature, as well as discovering and cultivating hobbies that he really enjoys, and aren’t just forced upon him by his father.

His room starts off with very few photos of his loved ones, namely his parents, Chloe and Felix. These photos are professional in nature, clean, crisp and very much lacking in color. Even Chloe and Felix are behaving for the sake of the photos. Notably, their photos show them when they are much younger, to indicate that Adrien hasn’t spent time with them lately.

There’s a large emphasis placed on the amount of stuff that Adrien has in his room. The video games, the TV, the climbing wall, etc. Everything is completely clean and dust free, because he spends a lot of time in his room, but he doesn’t have anything he’s particularly drawn toward, so whenever he’s done with something, he puts it away and grabs something else. His room is also likely clean due to his strict father demanding he keep up appearances.

The only exception to this are video games, but they are very specific ones: simulators. Particularly, ones that focus on dating and romance. Life simulators, farming simulators, RPGs that offer a romance subplot, etc. Even if the sim only offers the option to make friends, Adrien is fine with that. Stuff like Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons (the ones made by Marvelous), The Sims, Undertale and so forth are right up his valley. And again, lots of dating sims.

Following his mother’s “passing,” and at the start of the show, Adrien keeps a corner of his room dedicated to her. As more time goes by and Adrien gets closer to his new friends, this will shrink down to a photo of the two of them, and most of her memorabilia will be stored away. This will show that he’s open to the possibility of his father dating someone else, as was shown in “Felix”. 

He will often turn to photos of his mother when he wants deeper, more worrying thoughts that he wants to voice and get off his chest, or if he needs advice about something and he doesn’t know who to turn to. S1 would focus more on friendship advice, because in this version, he would need to put in more time and care to make friends (Nino and him would still stay buds, Mari is still crushing on him but is hesitant to approach, and Alya is kind but cautious, with the rest of the class being wary because of his friendship with Chloe). Later on, he’s more likely to ask about plot-relevant stuff, his feelings for Ladybug and Kagami (and romance in general), his growing resentment towards his father, his meet-ups with his friends, and his discomfort with Chloe and Lila’s touchiness. Coupled with Felix’s harassment in “Felix,” this causes Adrien to realize his boundaries are being violated, and to also wonder if he has adopted similar behaviors. He goes to speak with either Sabine, Tomoe or Nino’s mom about the matter (maybe all three to get a variety of perspectives), and then with Ladybug. I would set this conversation sometime after “Frozer,” with him mentioning how he acted there, and apologizing for leaving her in the middle of battle (if the episode isn’t rewritten to include that there).

Overtime, he would start to depend less on talking to Emilie’s photo, and instead talk to whoever he asked for advice. Instead, he would talk to her prior to a larger battle or facing a bigger threat and had something he wanted to get off his chest.  

At the beginning of their superhero career, Adrien is into collecting Ladybug merch - he’s likely to even have one of those “Do it for her” boards set up. He has some Chat Noir stuff as well, but it’s not as prominent. When other heroes arrive on the scene, he’ll have stuff of them too. He would even go so far as to recreate the heroes in his games (mostly in what Sims knock-off this universe would have), and roleplay scenarios with Ladybug. He doesn’t fully get rid of his merch over time, but he does likely downsize as he spends more time getting to know Ladybug and the team.

There’s also the obligatory Ladrien scene that I hinted at in Marinette’s post. To recap, Chat Noir, during an emotional moment with Marinette, mentions that he has Ladybug memorabilia in his room, and that he ought to downsize. Sometime later, Ladybug comes to check up on Adrien for plot-related reasons, and discovers that he “too” collects Ladybug merch. Adrien is notably embarrassed by this, but Ladybug replies by saying that she’s a fan of his as well. This will allow two sides of the ship to feel closer to each other and open up about certain things.

Similar to Marinette, Adrien will start picking up little things as mementos from previous episodes to decorate his room with (a class photo from “Reflekta,” a copy of the movie from “Horrificator,” his autographed Jagged Stone CD from “Guitar Villain,” etc).  I also imagine him holding onto clothing items such as Nino’s hat or Kagami’s jacket, that get left behind after hanging out. Over time, he is eventually gifted a mannequin to display these items.

I remember seeing a post that called into question whether Adrien’s activities were something he genuinely enjoyed or if they were just foisted upon him by his father. I like the idea of a laid out arc that explores what Adrien might like to do in the future, by having him go through various hobbies (sort of like Daphne in “Be Cool, Scooby Doo”). 

One hobby I’d give him from the start is tricking. (For those not familiar, tricking combines moves from martial arts and gymnastics, usually flips and kicks, and can be used to create super cool combos, yes I am biased about this). We often see him showing off stunts in battle and would fit Chat’s tendencies to be flashy. I could also see this becoming a hobby he shares with Nino and Kagami later on, maybe with the three of them sneaking out to meet other trickers at gatherings.

(For those who need visual reference.)

However, I also want to give Adrien a more traditionally feminine hobby. There’s a couple of ideas I had for this, including, again ones that he cycles through as he explores himself a bit more. After meeting Luka and noticing that he paints his nails, Adrien might tiptoe in nail art. I could also see Adrien getting really into writing romance, starting off as a fanfic writer and eventually writing his own novel or comic. Alternatively, he becomes a poet. Maybe he spends an episode learning to sew with Marinette so he can make his own cosplays. Or he starts a cottagecore aesthetic blog, and additionally starts taking care of some plants to give his room some needed greenery.

I think for the sake of irony, it would be interesting to see Adrien eventually take up baking as a hobby. I know there’s a couple of AUs involving this concept already (I forget who it was, though I’m tempted to say @lenoreofraven​ ​ but correct me if I’m wrong), but I like this idea because it would give him something extra he and Marinette could bond over in the future, especially since he doesn’t want to do modelling long-term. It would also give him a good excuse to visit the Dupain-Cheng bakery, and grow closer to Sabine and Tom. Perhaps they take him up as an apprentice, or give him a delivery boy job alongside Luka (giving that relationship a chance to grow as well, as well as a Delivery Boy shenanigans episode).

When he’s either in between hobbies, in a tumultuous state, or growing distant from his father, his room will appear far messier. In the latter case, it may be an attempt to rebel against Gabriel, saying “it’s my room, I can do what I want!” If he’s not comfortable immediately speaking out against his father, he may rebel in more passive aggressive ways. I could also see him roleplaying scenarios in which he tells his father off or planning escape routes for hero patrol or tricking gatherings. I think he would also have padded mats stored somewhere in he case he can’t leave, and wants to practice, or have his own tricking gathering in the house.

As he collects more mementos, they start filling up the empty spaces in his room, so when his father prevents him from leaving the house, he doesn’t feel as lonely. He starts finding ways where, from the comfort of his room, he can hang out with friends (like in “Anansi” where he uses the facecam to see what everyone is up to). More friendly, casual photos give the room some life. These mementos may also cause him to start downsizing on the Ladybug and Friends merch.

He will only attempt to remove them altogether if his identity is revealed to Marinette, and she doesn’t seem to process it well (at least at first). Anything pertaining to her, as Ladybug or Marinette, he may attempt to remove, until he realizes just how present she is in his life. He would then consult his mother’s photo about what to do. 

And similarly to Marinette at the end, when they start dating, he would start to incorporate couple’s photos. I think both of them would have those photo booth strips, but I could also see Adrien commissioning posters of his OTP, LadyNoir, and bringing back some of his merch (in a teasing, well-meaning way). 

[hmgfanfic]

Talk about all the Fillory worldbuilding in LQoF, please :)

THIS IS INEXCUSABLY LATE. I’m so sorry!

And I wish I could say it was just my scatterbrainedness, which is definitely a constant factor, but it was also that when you sent this, I was deeeeeeeep into writing the final few chapters of Little Quirks of Fate and I was kind of... in my head about it. It took a lot longer to finish than I had planned (a cardinal sin to my particular combo of severe ADHD and Type-A personality) and I was spending excessive amounts of time making sure I figured out a satisfying ending by my own exacting standards, so I just didn’t have the headspace to think through my early process yet. Very sorry about that :( But now that I’m finally done, I’m excited to look back! So if you’ll indulge me a very late answer, I’d be tickled. 💗

Long ramblings and major fic spoilers under the cut.

The truth is a lot the world building came down to character stuff foremost, followed closely by my preferences as a writer. I adapted the world to the story I wanted to tell, while using the little bits of information we’re given in canon as a baseline, rather than building the story around the world. And that was a lot more fulfilling for me, since I only really love worldbuilding through the lens of character, rather than as an exercise unto itself (though it’s super fun once you get rolling.)

To explain what I mean by that, you need to know that Little Quirks of Fate was originally going to be a oneshot. My plan was about 25-30k (lol) of a pure S2 retelling, only with Quentin in the role of Fen. It was also going to take a much more traditional enemies-to-lovers’ path—with Quentin as an active member of the FU Fighters—and the whole thing was going to be in his POV. Also, they weren’t even going to kiss until after the bank heist (which, yes, was going to be a thing here), but that got abandoned the fastest in favor of trying my hand at smut. But two things made me realize I needed to significantly shift course:

1) I was struggling to make Quentin actually feel like Quentin. I wrote this very atmospheric early scene at the FU Fighters encampment, with lots of description of the bonfires and the way their shirts dyed in Fillorian red looked like blood (you get it.) It took place in the black of night, shrouded in secrecy, and when Bayler questioned Quentin about his new husband, Quentin said something like, “He’s a drunk idiot, we have the advantage.” It was all very lush and dramatic, but it really, really, really didn’t feel like Q in any recognizable way to me. Now, I’m not someone who thinks Q needs to be a precious sweetheart all the time, but what I was writing didn’t have his idiosyncrasies or a motivation that felt true to who I feel he is.

2) The draft was DEFINITELY missing Eliot’s story and his perspective. I certainly don’t think Eliot’s POV is always necessary (sometimes not having his direct thoughts heightens tension in romance especially), but it felt really necessary here, to fill in the gaps of what Quentin was assuming and also—more importantly—because the events were just as impactful on him, but in a very different way. So I knew I was missing half the narrative, but that meant I would need to deal more explicitly with the Beast (i.e., Mike, the most devastating storyline to me, personally) and I really, really didn’t want to do that.

My first step in making a more recognizable Quentin was figuring out a way he could more or less use the same syntax that he does on the show. Voice is the first way I connect with a character, so while many writers in this fandom thrive at modifying speech patterns and keeping the heart of a character alive, keeping close to Quentin’s canon speech was an easy fix for me in a story I was excited to get rolling. Sort of like the old adage of uplifting your strengths before putting outsize energy into things you struggle with.

The easiest way I could think to give him the same syntax was to figure out a way Quentin spent some significant time on Earth during his formative years. And once I rewatched 2x06 and was reminded that Ess went to Phillips Exeter Academy for high school, I lost my damn mind. I started sketching out ways that Quentin could get there too and that’s how I built out the idea of Umber brokering a marriage deal with the actual landmass of Coldwater Cove, which included an education opportunity for the boys (in a nod to Fillory’s patriarchal nature), and also the reason why Umber did that, which was to take advantage of his brother’s orgy mistake with the first Children of Earth to usher in a more productive and orderly Fillory. So that created a whole new set of rules and essentially a whole new world for me to play with... all for the sake of Quentin getting to say “fuck.” It was that important to me. :p

And as I worked through all that, I realized I also wanted to give Q magic, since Quentin’s relationship with magic is something I’m interested in. But I had read on ye olde Tumblr that the reason Illario uses a wand in 2x06 is a nod to the books, where Fillorians specifically aren’t Magicians and that’s the rationale for the Children of Earth royalty. And while I generally see the books as interesting supplemental material with zero bearing on the television show canon, I still said to myself, “Self, wouldn’t it be kind of funny if Quentin was the only native born Fillorian who had magic and so the FU Fighters believe he’s the chosen true High King, but instead of it being because he’s ~special~, it’s because Umber made a clerical error? Lol! Hilarious!”

So while all my questions for how to explain all THAT spun out into more and more detail, at the same time...

I caved to the idea that this story was going to be a No Beast AU, just like my last two stories, mostly because I really couldn’t bring myself to deal with the Mike of it all, even tangentially. I could have just changed that single element, but I’m not a half-measure gal! But I still wanted to stick with the vague background theme of Fillory = adulthood from a questing perspective and I wanted Julia leading the charge this time, but without the sexual assault that occurs in canon. So obviously, the answer was avenging all of the murdered and cannibalized “grown-ups,” i.e., master Magicians, by seeking out help from the gods in a balanced Fillory free from the devastation of the Beast. Duh! ;)

So then, like anyone would do, I rewatched every episode up to 4x11 that makes a mention of Fillory and took about twenty pages of notes on the canon worldbuilding, along with an analysis of how much a particular piece of information would be impacted or not by balance in the realm. For instance, the existence of geraniums (per The Fillorian Candidate and Tick’s misunderstanding of “power plants”) and the lack of diamonds as a precious stone (per the River Watcher not knowing the value of Margo’s earrings in Knight of Crowns) struck me as static facts unaffected by Ember’s reign of chaos. But I shifted the overall feel of Fillory to one that’s more functional and a lot more bureaucratic, leaning on things like the existence of socialized health/vision/dental insurance (the idea of which is canonical, per a petition from the beavers requesting dental coverage from acting High King Josh in Ramifications), strict taxation plans, and an overall sense of thriving Ceremony to show Umber’s influence.

Basically, I wanted Eliot to inherit a much, much easier Fillory to rule—especially with the highly educated Quentin as a built-in and passionate advisor—mostly so it wouldn’t completely strain credulity when a lot of his energy goes toward his love life rather than the intricacies of ruling (though Margo would say he still favored his personal life more than he should have, and she wasn’t... wrong. He wants to be a husband more than a king!) But I specifically made it so most of the chaotic elements were played as whimsical (sorry) quirky shit or smaller hints of greater injustice (see: Ember getting rid of STDs, but still letting magic-poor citizens die of sepsis because that’s too boring to deal with), all while a cataclysmic danger lurked under the surface.

After that, I just filled in details as they worked with character stuff and plot stuff, and I tried to make sure they didn’t contradict each other in a way that couldn’t be chalked up to “chaos.” I basically lived with the Fillory map open all the time and also took screenshots of Benedict’s map of Loria, which gave me alternate ideas for the overall feel of the landmass rather than just the kingdom. And pretty much that’s the basic process I used to create the world! It was extremely fun, and I learned a lot, though I’m *definitely* focusing on some pure relationship kind of stuff for a while because... oof, sometimes it was a lot.

Annnnnnnd if you’re still with me, here’s some stray observations, for funsies:

I wanted Quentin and Eliot’s starting points to be more mature than in the show. Quentin when we’re introduced to him as an adult in LQoF is a lot more jaded and cautious than S1 Q, which is because in this world, his S1 mentality happened while he was on Earth and came to a head during the throes of his fucked up relationship with Bayler. Similarly, Eliot had already gone through a lot of shit too, and was much more self-actualized by the time he agreed to be High King here than in the show. It was still out of desperation for purpose, but not coming out of a direct trauma spiral. I think if they had been younger, both in age and mentality, the story wouldn’t have worked because they would’ve blown it up day two. They’re both still disasters, as we like to say, which is why the... everything happens, but they’re not disasters in the exact same way as in early canon. I thought of them as closer to their S3 selves, pre-Mosaic.

While I mostly kept Quentin’s syntax the same as on the show, I did change it up in some ways to reflect his Fillorian upbringing. The most obvious was replacing “goddamn” with “godsdamned” and “Jesus” with “Hades,” but I also made him slow on the Earth idiomatic uptake and slightly more likely to use passive voice and less likely to use contractions, especially early on and especially when speaking with Fen. He also said slightly out of date things even for someone who last remembered 1999, since Earth was still overwhelming despite his immersion. E.g.: In the epilogue, he asks Eliot if he can spend some time “Googling the World Wide Web” instead of watching Gossip Girl together, even though by 1999 most people were saying “on-line” or “the internet” by a pretty wide margin. But in my mind, the first term he learned was World Wide Web and he stuck to it like glue.

I originally had a full-blown coronation scene, where Quentin helped Eliot with the answers to the 90s questions via subtle charades, such as flapping his hands at his sides to give him the answer “Wings” (and Eliot was eventually going to Eliot-Logically use that moment to argue to Quentin that maybe Q really is the true High King since he was the one who actually answered the Knight’s questions, etc.), but I cut it and only showed bits and pieces in flashbacks because it didn’t really matter. They had to treat it seriously because it was An Event in this version of balanced/un-Beasted Fillory, with a full audience bearing witness, but the whole thrust of the external plot was about dismantling that moment and the concept of monarchy in general, so giving it too much weight outside of the Eliot and Julia friendship felt disingenuous to the story I was telling.

This is also why it was important to me that Margo hated the title High King Eliot the Kind, even though I only brought it up textually once or twice. But in my view, she fucking hated it and never came around to it. Which isn’t because she doesn’t think Eliot is kind, it’s that it felt like a simplification of all that he is, and the coronation ceremony in general felt similarly shallow. It wasn’t just the four of them working out their shit on the beach; it was true ceremony after a year of questing toil and a lot lingering uncertainty/resentments (especially regarding Julia), so it was too Big Shiny Happy Bow to her.

Yet on the same theme, my greatest regret was not being able to work in the fact that Margo’s title for Penny (King Penny the Persistent) was supposed to be half-sincere and half-sex joke. She did genuinely admire that he stuck it out even through his initial heartbreak because he gives a shit about his people underneath it all, but—and this is a very important headcanon to me—she admired his dedication to the art of the female orgasm even more.

I was originally also going to include the One Day More sequence with way more details—such as Umber taking the Javert lines, Ember taking the Thenardier lines, Bayler taking the Enjolras lines, and Penny taking the Marius lines, but... uh... writing a musical number is apparently not in my skill set. Also, honestly, the weirdness of the original is its whole charm and so I didn’t want to improve upon perfection. See also, in a more serious way: Eliot bowing to High King Margo on the Muntjac, the events of Plan B, and Quentin & Penny in the Flying Forest. Would not touch it!

My favorite Fillorian detail was either the guy who sent a citizen petition requesting a “smidgen” of Eliot’s earwax for an undisclosed purpose, or the use of the verb “to peg” to describe a Pegasus flock greeting an outsider with honor. They encapsulate the obscene yet pristine feel I always tried to give Fillory.

My favorite subtle(-ish?) ironic moment is Ess, the heir to a hereditary monarchy, taking Quentin to task for not honoring the anarchy patch on his high school backpack. In general, I don’t like everything being neatly resolved, including on an overarching world level. And I very strongly felt they had ZERO business meddling in Loria, so it left some fun-to-me unanswered questions. Will Ess usher in democracy for Loria based on his experiences on Earth? Maybe! Maybe not, since tradition’s a hell of a drug and Loria has its own history and complexities. Who knows?

I misread the town name Sutton as Sultan on the map the first time I referenced Bayler’s hometown (Sultan’s Ridge), but instead of going back to fix it, I just made it a sister town. Whatever!

I do not know how Quentin got a full bookshelf of Earth literature back to Fillory with him. Magic, I guess. (That’s the answer to anything I didn’t totally think through.)

I occasionally get asked whether Quentin and Fen were physically related. The answer is no, though it doesn’t totally matter. But I intended heart-cousins to be more like close family friends. (Though I actually originally had a joke where Eliot still wasn’t sure by the epilogue, but it didn’t land/feel realistic so I cut it.)

The details of the magic frequency poisoning were DEFINITELY what I thought through the least. My main goal was to have something catastrophic happen to Fillory based in part from the historical actions of the Children of Earth and Ember, patently ridiculously but with lasting consequences. Hence, god orgy that took away Fillorian human magic and sent out a slow poisoning of the overall magic “frequency.” It sounds all well and good, but it’s definitely something that would fall apart with even the lightest bit of prodding. It serves it’s purpose though, so I figured the gaps could be filled in or politely ignored. ;)

This question was way too much fun and a helpful retrospective for me! Thank you so much for indulging me, many moons ago. 💗

[recklessinventor]

👫 ( take ur pick of the muse combos we have honestly, i'm not picky )

Send 👫 for four headcanons on our muses’ relationship - I LOVE THESE SEND EM IN

I’m gonna do a little bit of a mix of all of them because I could talk about how much I love our muse combos for hours-

This is something I remembered we talked about on my old blog - and I’m pretty sure we had a thread for it, too - but I wanna put it here. Once Jeff and Claus are very, very, very close (like, where they’re basically dating but they’re too idiotic to realize that the other one has feelings for them close), Jeff will help Claus with his mechanical parts if Dr. A happens to be busy, and eventually takes over the checkups and maintenance himself. Jeff does this because A) he cares about Claus, obv and B) he doesn’t exactly have high levels of trust in his dad and he wants to make sure that Claus is both safe and as comfortable as he can be while his parts are maintained. Jeff’s very careful and delicate and explains what he’s doing and sometimes gets distracted and calls Claus stunning and he’s very sweet about all of it.

Jeff’s the kind of person that really likes explaining how things work or how things have come to be, but as he’s gotten older he’s better at explaining things so that he tries his best not to appear like he’s trying to go over someone’s head or appear smarter than them. Jeff does this a lot with Claus because he feels comfortable enough around him to infodump about the things he likes/knows a lot about, and I also feel that it’s how Jeff and Lucas would get closer too (that and like, Jeff wanting to help tend to the sheep because he has a major soft spot for animals). I don’t know, I feel like Jeff would lend Lucas a book he thought he’d like so they could be able to discuss a lot of things about it afterwards. 

This is something I think has come from the thread between the two of them that we have but I think Lucas and Tony would bond over writing a lot. Tony seems to me like the kind of person that would really like poetry, specifically the romantic period - Victor Hugo seems like the kind of poet he’d like, but maybe it’s Stockholm syndrome bc I read a lot of French literature for my minor lol. I feel like Tony would share that kinda poetry with Lucas thinking that it’s the kind of thing he would enjoy - and maybe something that Lucas might want to write, since, uh, I highly doubt that any of the specific conventions of early post-Enlightenment poetry would have carried over to Nowhere.

Tony would I think initially be wary of Claus, but he knows how happy he makes Jeff, so would make a very clear effort to befriend him. Tony kind of acts like Jeff’s mom in a lot of ways, and one of them is definitely telling Claus embarrassing things about Jeff (but in a way very different than Dr. A, because Tony understands Jeff’s boundaries, ofc). It’s things like about what Jeff was like when they were really little or how Jeff got in trouble a lot when they were younger because he took everything apart and stole lab equipment to invent his own machines or make his own explosives, lol.

[slashedthroughtheheart]

Commission prices!

Heya~ Local cryptid writer here with my do’s and don’ts!

First, any word count estimates will be given after I receive a prompt and I will check with you if that estimate fits what you want! We can negotiate it to be less if that’s what you need/can afford. Either way, I will write to the word count every time.

However, if I go over estimate word count, you will not be charged extra. Sometimes the muse decides how long a fic actually is despite clear goals set close. If you love it, you can always leave me a tip but don’t feel pressured just because a plot what plot/porn without plot turned out to have some plot in it because I got carried away.

Currency is in USD

Flat rate for a full one shot fic (1k): $10

Flat rate for a full one shot fic (2k): $15

Flat rate for a full one shot fic (3k): $20

Flat rate for a full one shot fic (4k): $25

Flat rate for a full one shot fic (5k): $30

I do longer fics than this all the time, but when writing for stuff I’m not personally into, this is about the cap I’d be able to get to. If you give me a prompt that aligns with my own interests, you can likely expect an Over the Estimate fic, but I will try to stick to within 1k words of the estimate.

Additionals/Add ons for fics!

If you don’t have a prompt, but have a character and general kink/idea in mind, I can write a prompt and send it to you for approval before I start a fic. The first time will be free, but if I have to think of a different prompt than the initial sent, it will be an additional $5 if I do write the fic out.

For all characters you will be asked if you want My headcanons for them. If you would like to feature your own headcanons that are Major changes (Ie: If you think someone is a sub rather than a dom like I think or vice versa) then you will pay $3 extra. If it’s something minor like a trans headcanon, no extra charge!

Stories featuring OCs: Add $5 to one of the flat rates if it is an OC I have done before. If it is a new one, Add $8 since the work of learning a new character is a lot to handle.

Adding another sex scene to any 18+. One is included, but if you want a second separate scene, add $3

If you wanna read some of my works, you can go to my Ao3 at HaruyamaYuri or look around this blogs My Writing tag.

If you would like a quote/estimation of price for a commission, dm me! And if you’re not certain if I write for a character, you can also pop in for one of those!

Please come ready with your prompt, even if it’s just a basic idea and what you want included and how you think it might go down. It’ll help me give a better estimate if you have a fully fledged idea for me to think about and work with!

What I WON’T write: Incest, vomit, hard vore, scat, zo//o/philia, non-con (consensual non-con and some dub-con is okay on a case by case basis) anyone under 18 and I don’t age up! I have a fic of Max Thompson Jr when he was younger, but he is still 18 and in canon he is very much of age when we personally get introduced to him, so aging him down to 18 was needed for the story to work because of timelines. If your character starts as an adult but you want them younger, 18 is my limit at how young they can get unless it is 100% a sfw/non-sexual fic. If you aren’t sure about me being okay writing a kink, just dm me and ask! I’d be happy to let you know!

So far, this blog is only for slashers and the killers from Dead by Daylight. I am mainly into Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, both Leatherface’s, and most of the male killers from DBD. I can write for the female ones, but I’m much more comfortable writing for male slashers/killers. If you’re wondering if I’ll write for a specific character, just dm me! I could likely write for your character given a bit of time and learning the source material well enough.

Relationship combos I do: Canon/reader is my bread and butter, but I can do canon/canon or canon/OC. And if given enough source material/references, I could do OC/reader. I don’t want to say I’d do OC/OC because I have to have some kind of frame of reference to start from and not knowing either personally would be difficult for me. If you want a pairing with an OC in it at all, you need to be ready to answer any questions I come up with during the writing process if I can’t figure it out from the references you give me.

I’ll start by having slots for fics so everyone can see if there’s any available. However, I can create a waitlist if needed! So don’t be afraid to dm me even if the slots are full!

I will communicate through the whole process of writing your commission. If something comes up in my life that will delay anything, I will let you know. Usually, I can finish a long fic of about 5k words within 2 or 3 weeks if it’s not something I’m personally into. So most fics will be out within 2 to 3 weeks. I may need breaks between fics, and I will always keep people updated on that!

Payments accepted: Paypal and Cashapp. If paying through cashapp, we can discuss that in DM. Paypal link will be added to my bio, but I can also send it in dms as well!

Waitlist info: If you do not respond to me letting you know I’m ready to take your prompt within 48 hours I’ll go down the list to the next person! If you are more easily accessible on a different social media, you can share that with my via dm and I can do my best to contact you there when a spot opens up as well as dms here on tumblr. You can always dm me back if you missed your window to keep you in the rotation! And don’t worry about telling me to skip you or that you don’t want the fic anymore for whatever reason! There is zero pressure!

[wethepixies]

Welcome to the third and final part of our staff interview series! This set of interviews focus on some of our most social staff members - our Discord moderators and our social media team. Once again, these pixies had a lot to say, so we’re tucking all of it under the “Keep reading” link!

WTP’s Discord server is the main place for the community to come together - in fact, we just passed 6,000 members! It’s extremely important to keep the server as safe and friendly as possible, and that’s where our beloved moderators come through. Without them, we wouldn’t have the loving WTP community!

Our moderators are Lila Almondpetal, Gloria Flutterflower, Daphne Moonflower, Anastasia Foxheart, Rose Morningmist, and Kassie.

What are some of your favorite memories about the original Pixie Hollow? And what are some things that you’re excited to see again in WTP?

Daphne: If I had to choose only one favorite thing then it would be shopping in Pixie Hollow especially those GORGEOUS gowns from the Queen's Boutique. It was the luxury store of Pixie Hollow, and the gowns they had were on a whole different level. I used to play Pixie Hollow every day as a kid and I even convinced my dad to get me the annual membership. I was able to make a lot of friends from different parts of the world because of the game. My best memories of the game are of Camp Pixie Dust! As for what I’m excited to see in WTP, I am exhilarated about the Tearoom and Animal Derby coming back since those were the only places you could play with other players. They were always packed with other fairies and sparrowmen and I used to hang out in those two places the most.

In her interview, Daphne sent us some pictures of two of her favorite things in Pixie Hollow - a couple of screenshots of Camp Pixie Dust and her favorite gown from the Queen’s Boutique.

Anastasia: Honestly? As a kid, I spent most of my time attending the parties. The minigames there were always so addicting! Gameplay wise, I loved baking and tailoring! I wasn't as invested in it as other Disney MMOs because I never was able to get a Pixie Hollow Membership, but I still loved to play it! It influenced my decision to play the DS games, as well as the Fashion Boutique mobile game! I will say that my love of the original Pixie Hollow has benefited my life in many ways as without it, I wouldn't have so many memories with friends I've made along the way. Also, I would've never found WTP! I think one of my best memories from Pixie Hollow has to be from the one party where I won almost all of the party games. I was pretty young when I was really into Pixie Hollow, so although it's a bit silly, I just remember feeling super proud and feeling like the queen of the party, haha! As a kid, I never really appreciated the quests (although I did do them), so I am excited for those to come back & relive that experience. However, since WTP will not have a paywall for any of the experiences from the original Pixie Hollow, I am incredibly excited to explore The Wilderness for the first time!

Lila: My favorite part of the original game was honestly how open and free it was! There was always so much to do in the game, but I never felt pressured to do any of it if I didn't want to. I could go crazy one day playing games and doing quests, and then I could spend the next day flying around, just admiring the scenery and doing absolutely nothing in terms of progress. There were no obligations at all - I think that's why I remember the game so well. I was also really invested in it - I actually kept a journal about what I did in the game, can you believe it? I would say it's made my life better in a couple of ways - when the game was still open, it was a fantastic stress reliever, and even now I love thinking about it (plus, it led me to WTP!). As for my favorite memory… well, there are so many! I'd have to say my favorite was the time a Sparrow Man and I flirted in the Tearoom using nothing but those preset Speedchat phrases. I don't know who started it, but I'm pretty sure we were both non-members at the time - maybe we were drawn together by those Arrival Day outfits. We ended up drawing a crowd; I remember seeing a lot of clapping emojis and hearts. It was insane! Sadly, we forgot to add each other as friends, so we never saw each other again. I just got out my old journal to check if I wrote down his name - and I apparently did! Figfig, my guy, if you’re out there, I was either Twilight Olivemist or Karina Lightningflame at the time. As for what I’m excited for, I'm super excited for all of the meadows to come back! I loved just flying around and seeing all of the gorgeous artwork. And multiplayer, of course - Pixie Hollow was such a social game. I loved those little things like sitting on a branch and chatting.

Gloria: My favorite part of the original game was definitely the community aspect! I made a lot of friends in Pixie Hollow that were really special to me. It was so much fun to play games and throw parties with other pixies in the Hollow! I played the original game from January 2009 to its closing in 2013. I was really invested in the game and played very often! It definitely helped me embrace my inner child and hold onto magic longer than a lot of my peers, something I am grateful for. One great memory I have of the game was the events. I specifically loved the Silly Days Event, which allowed users to access the Mermaid Grotto. And Camp Pixie Dust, of course! For WTP, I am super excited for questing! It was a really unique experience every time and led to neat storylines which allowed players to unlock some cool items. I really liked the added structure of quests in game.

Rose: I was mildly obsessed with Pixie Hollow for a good majority of my childhood. I was picked on quite a bit when I was younger, so Pixie Hollow became this sort of safe haven for me, where I could express myself without fear of judgement. I spent a lot of my time roleplaying with online friends, pretending to be waitresses in the Tearoom, or secret agents fighting crime and protecting the Hollow – it was a lot of fun. Some of my first ever story ideas came from some of those roleplays, which lead to me starting a blog and later pursuing a career as an author, so I actually owe a lot to the game and the friends I made there. My favorite thing was probably decorating my home – I loved creating different settings with all the furniture I had, from cafés to ice palaces. It was a lot of fun. I'm super excited for multiplayer – I’ve made so many friends through the PBC (Pixie Blogging Community) and WTP, so I can’t wait for when we can hang out in-game.

Kassie: I played Pixie Hollow starting in late 2008 until it closed! Every day after school I would grab my snack and head to the computer to play for at LEAST an hour. Narrowing down my favorite part of the game is so hard!! But if I had to choose I would say getting creative with outfits and color combos! I loved going to fashion contests and seeing other people's creations- that's actually how I met a lot of my friends. I think Pixie Hollow benefited me as a way to escape from the stresses of the real world. Middle school and early high school were difficult seasons for me and it was nice to venture into a mystical land where I felt people truly cared for me. One of my favorite memories was when I met my friend Strawberry. We were mutual friends with someone and we both went to her house at the same time. However, our friend was asleep (remember the lil z's?) and so we started talking and suddenly we became the best of friends! Over 10 years later we are still friends and catch up with each other once in a while. We don't live far from each other so we hope to meet each other someday! Honestly, I’m most excited to have house decorating in WTP! I remember people would spend HOURS decorating their homes and doing the coolest designs- I always concentrated more on fashion so I'd love the chance to redeem myself and design an awesome home!

How did you first find out about the WTP project and what inspired you to start working as a moderator?

Kassie: A lot of my close friends started up the project and eventually invited me to be a part of it as a moderator! In our friend group I tended to be the one to mediate conversations, so I think it was a no-brainer to ask me to moderate.

Daphne: When I got to know about Club Penguin rewrites, I thought there might be a rewrite for Pixie Hollow as well and I stumbled upon a YouTube video which mentioned WTP. I really wanted to help out with the project in any way I could so that really motivated me to become a moderator.

Anastasia: I actually found out about the WTP project through Teresa, on another Pixie Hollow site where she first posted the Bubble Bounce demo! She even DM'd me about potentially helping out as an artist, which I've always wanted to do! However, due to my schedule being a bit too busy to consistently help out with game art, I never felt like I could apply. However, I've always tried to help out in other ways, such as when I was an Event Manager & hosted movie nights! When it was decided that movie nights were going to take a hiatus, I really wanted to continue helping out in the community, and thus, I became a mod!

Lila: I first found out about We The Pixies when I joined a Club Penguin rewrite. I hadn't thought about Pixie Hollow in years, but then I wondered if someone else had rewritten Pixie Hollow, so I looked it up and found WTP! As for joining the moderation team, I'd been pretty active on the server when the application opened up, and I really loved the community. I figured I'd give it a shot - worst they could say was no, right? Well, I ended up getting the role! It’s been a really great job ever since.

Gloria: I found out about We the Pixies while doing some Google searches and checking out the Pixie Hollow community this year. I definitely jumped at the opportunity to apply to be a moderator because I have so much passion for the project and wanted to help out and connect with others who also had interest. 

Rose: I found WTP through Phoebe Bumbleflip’s blog – she published a post promoting the remake and the Discord back in October last year. I don’t have any skills that can really help with the recreation of the game itself, but I wanted to contribute in any way I could, which is what inspired me become a moderator.

(Phoebe is a member of the WTP Hype Squad, you can find her blog here!)

The WTP community is mostly positive, but have you ever had instances where you felt like server members weren't being the nicest? If so, how do you deal with it?

Anastasia: Since I'm new to the staff team, I've only ever come across a handful of issues involving the members, and most of them resolve with ease. Typically, directing people to the rules and giving them a warning is enough.

Lila: With so many people in the server, it's not unusual to see something that isn't so friendly - usually, if an argument starts up in the chat, reminding people of the rules or starting a new conversation fixes things. If things are really bad, I might talk to someone individually and ask them nicely to be, well, nicer.

Gloria: In my time on the staff so far, we have had a couple trolls and people who haven't complied with the rules, and in that situation, we generally like to calmly message the person and ask them to comply with the server rules. In my experience thus far, this usually sorts out the problem. However, if the issue persists, the moderation team would consult each other and figure out how to deal with it further based on the severity of the behavior.

Rose: They’re very rare, but we have had to deal with some disputes with upset or angry members. Usually us moderators will talk and discuss the issue and then decide the best course of action together.

Kassie: There's always going to be someone unkind who comes across the server every now and then. I think the best way to handle it is to tell them what rule they're breaking and WHY it's important that they adhere to the rule. Ultimately, our rules are about respecting everyone in the community. If we can help them empathize and understand respect I think that's making strides not only in the WTP community but hopefully in EVERY community that individual is a part of.

We've had a few events in the WTP community, how does creating one come about and how do you plan it?

Anastasia: Excellent question! As a former Event Manager, I'm the right Pixie to ask!

It all starts with the approval of administration. Once the admins approve of it (and other staff have no issues with it), you can go forward and begin scheduling a time. We typically don't do events without having a proper schedule or time frame. We also try to accommodate other time zones as best as we can, since we know that WTP has Pixies from across the globe! Then, you need to designate certain responsibilities to people. This was the purpose of the Event Managers, since we were in charge of hosting Movie/Game Night. I have a lot of good memories hosting movie nights with Alchemist (Lavender) and Asteria! With other events, staff members are chosen to have either a leading role or a helping hand in making sure the event goes smoothly. Even if they aren't in charge, it is important to note that all events typically require staff supervision. Now, planning it typically involves a discussion among the staff (and any other WTP players that may be involved in helping out). We usually try to make sure that the community voice is heard, and that they can get involved! Our main goal is always to bring everyone together while having fun, and that is the foundation of all our events.

Daphne: The Hype Squad is the creative mind behind all the events we have. Since we can not have in-game events (which we definitely will once the game is fully developed), the Hype Squad tries to come up with flitterific events to keep us in the pixie hollow spirit while we wait. Our former team of event managers was behind the shorter events such as the numerous game nights and movie nights.

Lila: Starting an event is absolutely a team effort - no matter where or who the idea comes from, we like to talk about it for a while first. For example, I had the idea for Meadow Madness one night out of the blue, and I made sure to run it by the staff and Hype Squad before I started anything up. It ended up being a huge success - we had an average of 200 respondents per round, which was pretty neat for something I came up with in ten minutes.

Rose: There’s quite a bit of planning that goes on behind the scenes for events – a lot of events are actually planned by the Hype Squad (which I am a part of) or our social media team. An idea will be presented by a team member, and then we’ll all discuss it – what our thoughts are on the suggestion, and how we’d go about holding it if it were to become an actual event. If everyone on the team agrees and the staff are okay with it, we’ll then start deciding dates for the event and preparing things like banners and announcement posts. Sometimes we’ll also have one of our members act as coordinator too, to make sure everything is running smoothly during the event itself.

Kassie: I'm personally not one of the head honchos who puts events together, but it comes down to listening to a bunch of ideas and trying to figure out which one best fits the needs and desires of the community!

How do you fit working on WTP into your schedule?

Daphne: I finished high school in April and I can't really start college until quarantine is over, so I pretty much don't have anything to do at home right now so it's easy for me to make time for WTP.

Anastasia: I try my best to moderate whenever I can- usually in my spare time. We get a lot of newcomers each day, so there always seems to be someone who needs help getting verified, or a Pixie who needs some other sort of assistance. That's the thing about having such a large community: we always seem to have some moderating to do!

Lila: I actually have the apps I need for moderation (and social media work) on my phone - now that I'm not in school for the summer, I'm traveling a lot, so I don't sit down and use my laptop very often. I think I use Discord on my phone more than my laptop, actually. Using mobile lets me check the server whenever I have a spare moment, so I can keep up with things wherever I go.

Gloria: I have a really flexible schedule in general as school and life goes, so I am able to make time to moderate and spend a lot of time online.

Rose: Mostly by multitasking – I’m almost always online, even if I’m doing other things, so it’s not too tricky to keep an eye on the server throughout the day.

Kassie: It's hard sometimes, but the easiest way for me to stay connected is to keep my notifications on when I'm not busy with the mandatory things in life like my job, planning my wedding, and investing in relationships outside of the community. Giving myself the chance to walk away here and there leaves me refreshed for the next time I log on!

Two of our moderators, Kassie and Lila, also serve on our social media team, so we asked them a special question:

How do you use social media to grow the community?

Lila: Social media is a great place to post about game updates and community events. I've found that few posts get people more excited than posts about new game features. Update posts also let people know that, yes, we are still up and running! Sometimes people think we've shut down already, and social media helps us keep the project alive.

Kassie: Social Media is all about messages. I think what attracts people to join a community is to send a message they resonate with! In WTP's case, nostalgia plays a huge part in growing our community- we are trying to attract people who are excited about something they wish they had again.

One final question for all of our moderators: what’s your favorite part of your job, and is there a way it’s benefited you?

Daphne:  Definitely talking and getting to know so many people from across the globe. I'm always down for making new friends! For me, the most impact moderating for WTP has had is on my people skills. As a moderator, you have to ensure that everyone is following the rules and sometimes people need convincing to follow a rule. It also involves solving any issues related to the game/Discord server and communicating with the members in general, which really develops your people skills.

Anastasia: Honestly, my favorite part of being a mod is being able to interact with the other staff members. They're a really lovely and creative group of people, and it's fun bouncing ideas off of each other and figuring out what's best for everyone in this community! I wouldn't quit WTP for the world! Working for WTP has benefited me a lot as so far, it's helped me work on the ways I can help organize a community. Also, it is helping me work on my time management skills, as well as my ability to work in a team.

Lila: I think my favorite part of my job is, as corny as it sounds, watching this community grow! When I joined, we had maybe 500 users in the server, and we're well over 6000 now. I never thought that so many people would remember the game, but they do. It's remarkable, really. Working for WTP is probably the best volunteer position I've ever taken up. Moderating has really helped me learn how to think things through and get help when I need it. Working on social media has also been great for my writing and graphic design skills - I've got to say that I've gotten pretty good at color combinations!

Gloria: My favorite part of moderating is helping people in the player server and sparking interest and discussion among users. It's so much fun to reminisce about the hollow with other fans. Though I haven't been on the team for a very long time, it has already been lots of fun and I have really enjoyed connecting with the community even more and getting others interested in the revival project. And the other staff members are very cool people that are really rad to work with.

Rose: My favorite part of my job is welcoming new people to the server! Being a moderator has definitely helped with my problem-solving skills – working out ways to handle situations on the server.

Kassie: Being friends with the staff is my favorite part. It is always a joy to log on to laugh and learn with friends. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Asteria and I have created a pretty strong friendship (hopefully she agrees, haha). We've known each other for about 4 years now. She makes me laugh out loud and we've been there for each other in our victories and failures. Her friendship is one I deeply cherish and I hope we get to meet sometime in the future! I care a lot about connection, community, and friendship, so for me, being a part of this team is a way for me to foster those things and be a part of it! I think I've benefited from WTP by learning how to guide hard conversations and disagreements in a respectful manner. Many people think moderators just manage the community, but a huge part of our job is to aid staff in having constructive conversations. There are definitely ruffled wings here and there, but we always get through and I've really grown through those processes!

__________________

Thank you all so much for sticking with us during our interview series! We had a lot of fun answering your questions, and we hope you had a flaptastic time reading them.

[intheseautumnhands]

Um! Kliego, and.... your favourite other TUA ship (lawd, I'm suddenly hoping that you ship kliego lmaooo, sorry if you don't :'))

Hah, it’s fine! I’m into pretty much every single Hargreeves ship to some extent. Klaus/Diego* is not super high on my list to be honest, but I’m definitely still into it overall! I think it’s just fandom saturation more than anything that puts it lower down, because I do think the dynamic could be of interest.

* (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I cannot use smushnames. I don’t begrudge anyone else use of them, they don’t bug me *that* much, but typing them feels so awkward.)

Choosing a favorite is honestly harder because I just want to ship all of them but I will... I dunno. Maybe RNG stuff I’ve written lately to pick. XD

Gonna cut since I’m already rambling before I even put in the questions, whoops.

(Also, two-days-later A: Hi I fell asleep in the middle of this and then barely touched my computer yesterday. Sorry!) 

 Klaus/Diego:

when of if I started shipping it: I walked out of my first viewing singing the song of my people at every single combination possible (Not even walked out, I watched over several days, it only took the first. not even half a season.) (The song of my people is, of course, I Ship It by Not Literally.)

my thoughts: Again, it’s not my #1 ship for the show, but I definitely could see it. I like that, of all the possible combos that could have hung out during the time between leaving home and the show, they seem to have the least amount of active vitriol and bitterness. It opens up interesting windows for that time period, as well as means it’s among the ships that need the least foundation work to get to somewhere decent afterwards. It makes it an interesting counterpart to some of the more actively difficult combinations, which I like especially in a poly context (because I am me and everything happens in a poly context).

What makes me happy about them: Again, the possibilities during the time gaps! And the general sense of... friendliness? It does feel like they’d have a lot less to get over than a lot of the pairs and I like it. (granted I think Klaus in general, while he has plenty of issues, seems to have less of them with his siblings specifically than most, so that’s playing into it, but I also see Diego as probably the one with the most after Vanya, so that’s interesting in and of itself.)

What makes me sad about them: I’m just sad for all these children growing up in their shitty, shitty childhood. And by sad I mean I want to read a lot of things that make me want to cry. Either as children but also I’m down for adults unwillingly letting the conversation drag around to their trauma too.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Klaus is snarkier, more clever, and a lot stronger, mentally and physically, than I feel like a lot of fic gives him credit for. I think that goes for a lot of fic in this fandom, but since it’s one of the biggest ships and he’s in it, I feel like it shows up a lot for K/D. I’m not a big fan of them being really close as kids, either, which comes up a lot; my headcanon for Diego being pretty distant from all his siblings is strong enough that it takes a lot of set-up for me to accept anything else. (Awkwardly getting close in late teens as both of their ‘get me the fuck out of here’ drives get stronger and stronger is easier for me to see than close-as-kids.)

things I look for in fanfic: Tropes! The writers for this ship give me all the tropes. I want to marinate in it. I’m also kind of into general ‘it was casual, then whoops, I caught feelings, now what??????’ for them, because I could see it. Other than that, like... look, if it looks like it’s interestingly written or has an interesting concept, I will read it. I’m not super picky in this fandom, if it’s Hargreeves-centric and doesn’t bitch at shippers in the tags I’m in to at least give it a try.

My kinks: Uhhhh. Hmmm. I haven’t actually read a lot of kink fic for this ship or considered it, but I feel like I want mutual sadism/masochism.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Honestly my hope is for most of the characters to end up without another major romantic plot. I’m here for canon Allison/Luther but hoping the rest of them just... don’t. Especially since I don’t see them going for two sibling ships and that’s really all I’d want to see. If not that, both of them with new characters would be my preference, because there’s no one actually in the show I’d be down for. Maybe if they somehow warp the timelines around enough to bring Patch back, but even then, eh, just let me have family stuff.

My happily ever after for them: In general as characters, my ideal endgame for both characters is in healthier places than their start point, still clearly working out their shit, and on good terms as a family. As a ship: I feel like both of them would get bored eventually by any kind of ‘and then they went and got a happy domestic place to live and nothing exciting ever happened again’, even if it might be nice for a little while, so... active, somehow. Either they end up somehow finding some kind of active hobby to screw around with together, and enjoy flirting with each other while they do it, or like, I don’t know, get bored one day and accidentally buy a business just to have something to do and find they get weirdly invested in running it. (Maybe, like, a restuarant or something else that’s really high-stress. Or maybe the gym Diego boxes at goes for sale and he doesn’t like the look of the most likely potential buyer and buys it himself before he realizes he has no idea how to run something and has to slink back home and let Klaus laugh at him. Shit, I want that fic now.)

who is the big spoon/little spoon: This assumes either one of them are capable of sleeping totally still which honestly I don’t see. They both seem like the kind of people who flip around in their sleep and wake up five times a night. So, they both take it in turns and also sometimes just end up in weird sprawled positions, either on top of each other or really far from each other.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Honestly, I feel like joking around and talking together would probably be it. I could see road trips, too.

Uhhhh I RNG’d things I’ve written lately and I got Ben/Allison. Nobody else writes that but it’s the tiny ship of my heart so I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m sorry, my random teeny ships are what you sign up for when I get to choose. >>

when of if I started shipping it: On like my third rewatch Allison’s little “I miss him” while she’s watching the cameras burned itself into my brain and I have wanted more for the two of them ever since.

my thoughts: I just! Look it’s pretty much canon that everyone loved Ben, but something about his snarky-but-because-I-want-you-to-do-better-and-I’ve-given-up commentary with Klaus and Allison’s alternating defensive and concerned mode -- I just want them to team up together to despair everyone else’s problems and try to figure out how to help (and often failing; I feel like in a general sense, they’re both better at pointing out the problems than actually fixing them on their own). And I feel like they both get prickly in ways the other would understand and be able to deal with easier than most of the family.

What makes me happy about them: I feel like this just blends into the thoughts above. I love the potential for how they might interact, and the potential for them to call out each other’s shit (and probably everyone else’s).

What makes me sad about them: Everything about Ben in canon is sad! Even the happy things are sad!

things done in fanfic that annoys me: There are exactly two fics for this pairing and one is me and one is PWP smut, which just isn’t super my thing. So uh. there needs to be fic to annoy me. Please write fic specifically to annoy me, oh no, don’t throw me into that briar patch. (That said, in general, I feel like both of them get their sharper points filed down a lot in fic. They both have their pointed sarcasm and their moments of outright lashing out, and I want to see more fic deal with that.)

things I look for in fanfic: Again, I say, please let fic exist. Also, I badly want a proper AU of Ben surviving and running off to Hollywood with Allison. I did not do it justice in my tiny thing.

My kinks: I want switchy powerplay with an emphasis on play -- competitiveness and teasing and wrestling. Also younger or AU Allison who hasn’t yet tried not to use her rumors for everything not trusting anyone but Ben enough to gag her, because her voice is her best weapon. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Please please give me an Allison/Luther endgame. Ben I have no feelings on -- I still stand by not wanting any other romantic subplots, really -- but I am rooting for Allison/Luther in canon no matter how many others I ship them with.

My happily ever after for them: Possible in canon, as characters: Allison figures out how to balance ‘not using her rumors at all’ and ‘rumoring everything always’; Ben gets brought back to life and gets to be happy. As a ship: Honestly, connected to the family and both doing their own, fulfilling, non-superheroy things. Allison can act and Ben can get a chance to figure out what he wants to do, because I feel like even if he’d survived that would’ve been hard for him.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Especially if we’re going with some semblance of canon and Ben’s died and come back, he’s the little spoon, because being wrapped up in someone else is comforting. But also just any kind of cuddling is welcome.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Judging everyone. No, I kid. Sharing and discussing books and movies, maybe. Ben passes along books he liked* and they watch movies together and Allison dissects acting choices and they both debate themes and ending of more ambiguous stories. They are loud movie watchers if they stay home to watch things, and go have loud debates over coffee after if they go out. *(I actually have a whole tangent in a fic that got cut out that I want to reuse for this fact, specifically about Ben having a slightly masochistic Lovecraftian phase in his early teens and passing it on to Allison, and Allison in her 20s thinking that if it fits either of them, it’s her, because she gets in people’s brains and rewires them and they forget what she’s done to them, and if either of them could make people go mad, it’s her.)

[gascon-en-exil]

But What If You Want to Come Out on Vers Bottom?: A “Coming Out on Top” Review (Part 4)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

All that’s left now are the ten Brofinder dates. Because there’s so many of these and because they’re all fairly short with only a few variations in how they can go down I’m not going to be spending much time on each - just a quick overview of the stories as well as an evaluation of the inevitable sex. The quality does vary a fair bit, although it’s all subjective as to which are better depending on what kind of story you’re looking for as well as, in some cases, your kinks.

Jake

Comes with a fairly obvious death condition, a sequence in which Mark and Jake get to nerd out over The Legend of Zelda, and another in which Jake lectures Mark/the player on the virtues of polyamory. I’ve always been poly-friendly myself, and the lecture does lead into a - thoroughly random - train scenario, but to say it’s not how you’d logically expect this date to go down is a bit of an understatement. Jake never even takes his shirt off, so in place of a body hair toggle he gets one to dye his hair pink for whatever reason. It’s a shame too, because at the start of the date there’s some discussion over Jake’s weight and how he should be confident in his size and his unusually elaborate buffet eating strategies.

Tommy

Like Jake’s date Tommy’s rapidly goes to some unexpected places, but in his case those places entail getting kidnapped and forced to talk through the failures of the criminal justice system at gunpoint. There are more than a few chances to get a quick game over, some funnier than others, but if Mark survives to make it to Tommy’s place he’s greeted by a brief but hot round of sex with the one man in the cast whose dick size is talked up even more than Brad’s. In this case it may actually be warranted; the girth of that thing looks positively inhuman in the CGs, so, rejoice if you’re into that.

Frankie

This guy talks an outlandishly highbrow game that he very clearly can’t deliver on, and having a successful date with him requires Mark to be as aggressively honest as possible as a means of badgering Frankie into admitting to all his unsubtle deception. The man underneath them may just be a more pathetic prospect than Mark himself, but at least the player gets treated to as good a striptease as this game can deliver with its assets followed by sex on the beach...literally, not the cocktail. This date reserves inexplicably dirty names of that nature for gelato of all things.

Luke

The absurdity only continues to build as Mark is invited to “Streamflix and chill” by an Irish frat bro who doesn’t know what that term means because apparently this universe’s Netflix knockoff doesn’t exist in Ireland. It’s up to the player to smoothly guide Mark through a showing of an inspirational story about a narcoleptic rugby player to get to the grand prize of a chance to quietly blow Luke under the blankets when his housemates could walk in at any second (or provide off-the-cuff commentary on Brokeback Mountain, as it happens). There’s also a dream CG at the end featuring yet more sports roleplay sex, as if Brad’s route didn’t offer enough of that. My favorite part though is Luke complaining about American bars not serving alcohol past 2 AM, as I agree with him that it is utterly barbaric.

Cesar

As should be apparent, this is the one with cop sex. Mark gets caught up in a drug sting, and depending on how the player feels about Ian’s suggestion of bringing along ranch dressing (or rather, ranch dressing mix) to the supposed siesta the specific type of cop sex will either be a fairly standard round of Mark bottoming or one of the only finger-fucking sessions in the game. Either way Mark will be resisting arrest as well as sexually harassing a police officer following what was very obviously a setup targeting cruising gay men, but because this is an erotic dating sim and every man in it wants Mark’s ass let’s all withhold our reservations regarding the ethical ramifications of this entire scenario. I have no trouble doing so, although that’s mostly because cop sex does nothing for me. 

Terry

Well, color me surprised - if not terribly aroused - because at long last we have a twink. There seems to be a thinly-veiled pop culture reference here, to something like a younger Justin Bieber or one of those guys from One Direction, but as wild as this date ends up going I find it hangs together rather well even without working as an allusion to any specific celebrity. Mark finds himself billed as the winner of a date with a pop star, and hilarity ensues as he encounters screaming fangirls, a creepy stalker trying to get locks of Terry’s hair, and a karaoke contest in a dive bar where New Orleans gets name-dropped because this city is mentioned in so many songs and where Mark “rocks the hell out of” Schubert’s Ave Maria, somehow. The sex itself is a novelty, with the choice coming down to either Mark giving a rimjob while Terry performs autofellatio or Mark pounding some twink ass. A post-coital hair snipping for the stalker is optional.

Donovan

This man has some hang-ups, and I still can’t decide whether they’re hot or not. At first pass this date is a bite-sized deconstruction of what Dream Daddy could have been had it been interested in actually examining the kinds of relationships it claims to center around - Donovan is a literal father, divorced and new to the dating scene and clearly uncomfortable with many aspects of it up to and including the very sexualized concept of gay daddies. His attempts at flirting and blending in at a gay bar are awkwardly endearing, but as I suggested with Alex I think CooT wants to have it both ways by having Donovan opine about being treated like a daddy...when he looks the way he does and while he’s buying drinks for a guy more than ten years his junior. Even his attempt at more authentically bonding with Mark via an impromptu woodworking tutorial quickly pivots into innuendo and heavier flirting leading up to the inevitable sex scene (although the player should note that in order to get said sex scene you’ll have to know a little about what Donovan is teaching Mark as well as allow him to step away for a heart-to-heart with his teenage son). What follows is shower sex where Mark tops his bull of a date - so if you’re into big hairy bottoms and didn’t get enough from some of Amos’s options this is your story.

Oz and Pete

No Grindr analogue would be complete without a partnered relationship looking for one more, and in truth this date earns some major points for realistically capturing the mix of awkwardness and sensual chaos that comes from jumping in bed with an established couple. This includes crossed wires on who’s using the shared profile, a bit of informal relationship counseling, and the messy but inevitably uneven bonding Mark does with either Oz or Pete. There are two successful paths to this date according to which of them Mark spends more time with at the bar, with each of them building up to a particular type of fetish sex that the two of them haven’t discussed with one another until now. For Oz (on the left) that’s double penetration, while for Pete it’s cuckoldry with some bonus rimming and felching in the scene itself. This is admittedly one of the more physically demanding scenarios Mark can find himself in, especially if he favors Oz, but as I said it’s handled with a surprising amount of realism. Plus there’s a comment before the date that sort of handwaves Mark’s pre-sex stretching that goes along with an utterly ridiculous (mental) image, so I’ll let it slide.

Theo

This one is interesting, to say the least. Mark is paid to pose as Theo’s fiancé at his ten year high school reunion, as part of a ploy to show off how successful Theo has become and rub his former bullies’ noses in it. In addition to the usual wacky humor - and cameos from both Penny and Ian - this is a story with a fair bit of heart to it depending on how Mark deals with the situation. He can either play the perfect partner and earn Theo the recognition he craves...or he can go as absurd and over-the-top as possible but don’t try rickrolling the bullies because that’s a step too far, making a spectacle of himself and teaching Theo a valuable lesson about not caring about the opinions of the people who used to mock him. Provided the date’s a success in one form or another Theo will proffer the above Dom/sub scenario, and Mark can respond either by agreeing to be a sub (either in the comparatively vanilla sense if he was sensible at the reunion or as a pup if he went overboard with it) or by flipping the script and making Theo his sub for the evening. They could have done a lot more with the pup play considering it’s just the sub version with a collar and canine sound effects, but there’s already more logical bang for your buck going on in this date than in around half of the others.

Hugh and Jesse

This is...I can’t even....

Okay, whatever. It’s the last one. It’s not a date, properly speaking, but is accessed if Mark chooses to play with himself on the Brofinder menu. He gets high off some incredibly dubious weed given to him by Ian and proceeds to get intimately acquainted with his goldfish Slurpy in what is CooT’s second-heaviest icthyophilic moment (Google for #1, I already said back in Part 1 I’m not going there). If he calls for an ambulance he’ll be taken under the care of a pair of twin EMTs who make up for what they lack in professionalism with the kind of zany determination you’d expect with a setup like this. At that point it’s the player’s choice of a spit roast or a combo blowjob and rimjob. Adding to the overall disorienting effect of this “date” is the game experimenting with perspective and its visual assets in ways rarely seen elsewhere and that honestly don’t work very well. There’s only so much you can do with such, ahem, stiff portraits.

[rowecommaadam]

Terran Trade Authority Interview

Okay, this big text-heavy post isn’t from me. You can find it online over at this website. It’s a great interview with Stewart Cowley, author of the Terran Trade Authority sci-fi art book series from 1978-1980. 

I’m just reposting this as kind of a backup. Cowley doesn’t have many interviews out there, but his candid thoughts are the best secondary materials out there on the TTA. There’s no reason why the original site would go away (and honestly no reason why this tumblr post won’t be erased either!), but a few redundancies can’t hurt. The rest of this post is in the voice of the original interviewer, Philip Banks:

Some time back I got a very pleasant surprise in the form of an email from Stewart Cowley himself. In fact it was something of a shock for me - it simply wasn't something I expected to get despite having had contact from the other Stewart Cowley who is also writing books. Not only that but he supplied a lot of information on the hows and whys of the books. Accordingly, with his permission, I've taken the emails he sent me and edited them into an interview of sorts. I hope fellow TTA fans find it as interesting to read as I did.

Without further ado, here is Stewart himself...

(Stewart Cowley) Someone mentioned your site to me so I checked it out. It brought back a host of memories. Spacecraft 2000-2100AD was the first book I ever wrote and represented a major point of change in my life. I was working as a graphic designer when I had the idea. I was doing work with an illustration agency called Young Artists based in London UK. They happened to represent a new generation of brilliant artists working in the SF arena, and I was really excited about their work. The only outlet for their illustrations at the time were paperback covers, but I felt convinced more could be done with the amazing images they were producing.

I persuaded them to loan me file transparencies of art samples and had them stuck on my lightbox for a couple of weeks. I'd look at them every day, trying to think how they could be utilised. Then one day I remembered a book I'd had seen as a child. It was Jane's Fighting Ships - a survey of the world's navies - and it hit me. Spacecraft 2000-2100 AD was born. Being a designer rather than a writer, I tried to find someone to author the project but couldn't find anyone with the same vision as I had. I wanted someone who could not only create specifications for the spacecraft shown, but set them in a believeable historic context.

I had already discussed the project with Hamlyn Publishing who wanted to do it and issued a contract. As I was running out of time, I started writing it myself and sent sample text to them to keep them quiet to buy time until I could find a suitable author. They liked it, so I thought, what the hell, and finished it. The rest is history as they say.

(Philip Banks) That actually answers a question I was going to ask , which was whether Janes Fighting Ships was an inspiration for the first book particularly.

(SC) The book went on to sell 800,000 copies in eight languages so they asked me to do a sequel. Space Battles was produced in 3 weeks and as you rightly point out in your review, suffered in quality as a result. That also did well, nevertheless, and they commissioned a further title. The strong sales of both books gave me more clout and I was able to insist on having more time to complete the following two titles; Spacewreck and Starliners.

I'm afraid I must also own up to the Galactic Encounters series by Steven Caldwell. I'm not proud of those six books. I was approached by another publisher to write for them, and they offered me enough money for me to quit my job as a designer and become a full-time writer. I confess that I just did it for the dough and all I had to work with were the images that I had rejected for my earlier books. It wasn't only for contractual reasons that I used the pseudonym of Steven Caldwell. So that's the story behind the TTA in a nutshell.

Incidentally, there isn't a combo of the second two TTA titles as far as I'm aware.

(PB) What was the idea behind the combo books? Simply a way for the publisher to re-use material and get more sales or was it a way to do a reprint of the first two books when the later two came out?

(SC) The combo was the publisher's response to requests from their customers who apparently felt there was a demand for it.

(PB) You mentioned pretty much authoring the series entirely yourself - how did Charles Herridge, co-author on Great Space Battles, fit into the picture?

(SC) Charles was the publisher who commissioned the books from me. Because of the almost impossible deadline he contributed some of the storylines and worked closely with me on others so I felt he should share the writing credit.

(PB) Whose idea was the 'Space Warriors' book? It seems to have been the idea of the TTA Books stripped down and targeted at nine to twelve year old readers, so was it a publisher request?

(SC) The request for a title for younger readers came from a publisher (Deans, I think). I was still living in the world of TTA and decided to keep the context for the stories in this title.

(PB) Is this the only direct spin off book from the TTA series?

(SC) Yes, as far as I'm aware. However, there may have been references to the TTA in the Galactic Encounter series, but I haven't looked these for about 25 years so might be wrong.

(PB) It has to be asked, what was the story behind the 'pasta master' modelmaking running joke?

(SC) I'd forgotten about this but it was a nickname I earned at that time because as my friends constantly reminded me it was the only thing I could cook. In order to try and interest some interest in my limited catering, I used to build exotic constructions out of pasta shells, giant clams, alien heads etc.,and stuck together with melted cheese to hide the unchanging sauces beneath.

(PB) Did any of the artists featured in the books thank you for promoting their work via these books? Do any keep in contact with you?

(SC) Yes. After the success of the first book, some of them got more involved and I worked with them on the selections. One or two had not done a lot of work before and the exposure in the books got them more work. I did stay in contact with one or two, like Chris Foss who went on to great things, but the currents of life eventually took us different ways.

(PB) Where you aware that the TTA books were a big influence on the two Homeworld games made by Relic?

(SC) Not at all. I didn't even know about them. If that's true, it's nice to know that the books meant something to some people. Most writers don't really get much in the way of feedback on their work and positive responses mean a lot.

(PB) Which is your favourite book of the series and why?

(SC) The first one was a milestone because it helped to change my life and created lots of opportunities for me. As a book, though, Spacewreck is my personal favourite. Space itself is a mysterious place and I loved the idea of astro-archaeology - starting with a mysterious artefact and working back to try and unravel it's story. Even if it is fiction, the process embodies the same sense of curiosity and a sense of the truly alien.

(PB) Was it a surprise to find a website out there dedicated to your books? Indeed are you surprised at how popular these books have turned out to be?

(SC) A complete surprise! Especially after so many years. When I wrote these, I don't remember there even being a world wide web available to people!

I want to thank Stewart for taking the time to answer these questions in such a candid fashion. Not only were the answers informative but it has solved a long standing mystery as readers of the TTA pages had been emailing me for some time about the Galatic Encounters series being very similar to the TTA books.

[positivetransmessages]

Beauty Brands Want to Sell Queer Expression, But It Shouldn’t Be for Sale

Writer Riley R.L. on the risks that come with cosmetics brands capitalizing on queer narratives.

Riley R.L

In this op-ed, nonbinary writer Riley R.L. shares the impact of makeup on their identity, and the risks that come with cosmetic brands capitalizing on queer narratives.

October 21, 2019

“They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” Lady Gaga declares in the launch video for her new makeup line. “But at Haus Laboratories, we say beauty’s how you see yourself.” The video features Gaga surrounded by a racially diverse, gender nonconforming group of models showing off glittery eye makeup and bold lip colors. Its message is about freedom, specifically the freedom to express your identity however you want to. “We want you to love yourself,” Gaga concludes, and she’s got just the thing to help us do it: For $49, you can get a trio of lip products in a variety of color combos, which the brand’s website calls “tools of self-expression and reinvention.”

The Haus Laboratories launch is just one of many examples of how the cosmetics industry has been using identity narratives to market their ads with LGBTQ consumers in mind. Through pride campaigns and inclusive marketing, brands like Morphe, Milk Makeup, and M.A.C are trying to push the cultural conversation around makeup forward by bringing queer, trans, and gender nonconforming faces to the forefront, apparently as a way to help normalize the varying expressions of our community.

This mirrors a larger shift in the beauty space. LGBTQ creators like Gigi Gorgeous, Jeffree Star, and Nikita Dragun have gained huge audiences online and created successful product collaborations, while major beauty publications like Elle, Cosmopolitan, and Allure have covered the rise of queer beauty influencers and gender-neutral cosmetics brands. It’s clear that the world of cosmetics is trying to move away from the conventional standards it was previously associated with to promote an aesthetic of freedom, however ambiguously defined that may be.

For many LGBTQIA people, makeup can play a valuable, if not complicated, role in exploring gender, something that rings true in my own story. The first time I wore eye shadow out of the house, I still largely identified with the gender I had been assigned at birth; I spent most of that night worrying about what wearing makeup while presenting as male might open me up to. I feared ridicule, harassment, even violence — things that, fortunately, had not been an average part of my day-to-day life. Wearing makeup that first time was the most aware I’d ever been of the grip that gendered expectations had on the way I lived, and that realization made me feel weak and unfulfilled; all my life, I could suddenly see, I’d been under the control of beliefs about gender that I didn’t agree with, and that I had internalized without ever choosing to.

Thankfully, nothing out of the ordinary happened that night. As a kind of resistance to those feelings of weakness, I made an effort to start wearing makeup more often, and became increasingly comfortable with choosing to present and express myself in a way that was more unconventional. Ultimately, makeup was one of many things that helped me come to terms with the fact that I felt more at home outside of traditional gender roles than I did within them, and that my identity fit better under the umbrella of nonbinary than it did under male.

For me, that revelation came with a reduced emphasis on how I presented. Nowadays, I rarely wear much makeup (neither do most of my trans and nonbinary friends). But as queer identity seems to become more and more intertwined with the cosmetics industry, I find myself shying away from sharing the role that wearing makeup—a purely aesthetic part of a deeply internal process—played in that time of self-discovery. When I watch someone sell makeup under the auspices of queer self-love, regardless of how well intentioned they might be, I can’t help but feel as if a story like mine is being packaged and sold to young queer people desperate to find confidence in their own identity.

“Sometimes beauty doesn’t come naturally from within,” Gaga muses on the Haus Laboratories website. “But I’m so grateful that makeup inspired a bravery in me I didn’t know I had.” The narrative is clearer than ever: If conventional aesthetic “beauty” is no longer a marketing team’s focus, then something like “bravery” must be; rather than encouraging consumers to fit in, it’s now about using makeup to help reveal “who you are.” These brands are leveraging LGBTQIA narratives to maintain relevance in a competitive market, thanks to the very real and very complicated relationship that trans, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming people like me have with cosmetics.

An example like Sephora’s “Identify As We” campaign, full of ethereal imagery and moving ideas about freedom and identity, is certainly a progressive alternative to the kinds of advertising I was exposed to growing up. It’s easy to recall the history of hypermasculine marketing for products like Axe, whose goal was to play on conventional gender roles to make sales. Today, some brands would like us to believe that they can do better, and that by focusing on the expansive understanding of gender the LGBTQ community provides, companies can push progress forward rather than reinforce tired stereotypes.

Recently, Jonathan Van Ness, one of Queer Eye’s fab five, revealed that he’s nonbinary to Out. “[Gender is] this social construct that I don’t really feel like I fit into the way I used to,” Van Ness shared. Couched in this personal revelation was Van Ness’s sponsorship with nail polish brand Essie, something he hopes will help inspire young people: “I always used to think, Oh, I’m like a gay man, but I think any way I can let little boys and little girls know that they can express themselves, and they can, like, be... making iconic partnerships with brands like Essie no matter how they present is really important and exciting.”

Van Ness and Essie, like many of the brands mentioned, seem to operate under the assumption that visibility alone can bring much needed change in how our culture regards gender nonconformance. And maybe they’re right; but as a nonbinary person, I can’t help but question: Would my self-perception really have been different had I seen someone like Van Ness wearing nail polish on a billboard while growing up? Would I have come to understand my identity sooner had I seen a gender nonconforming person on a cosmetics display?

Many queer people grow up with a longing to be seen and validated by popular culture in the way our straight and cisgender peers are. When we come to adulthood, I worry that lingering desire may leave us with an inability to protect younger generations from the potential risks that putting value in “visibility” can conceal. If we place our trust in advertising to advance our cause rather than sharing our stories on our own terms, we’re passing them over to those whose primary goal is to profit from them. These sanitized, corporate narratives run the risk of leading young queer people to believe that embodying their identity is as simple as buying the right lipstick or wearing the right nail polish, instead of expressing themselves in whatever way feels true to them.

By creating a narrative of self-actualization based on a product, it’s easy to erase the pain that can come too. For many queer and trans people, embodying your gender is not always fun, freeing, and transformative; it can also make you a target of discrimination and violence. Every time I choose to walk out the door with makeup on, I’m choosing to do so in spite of the world I’m walking into. At its best makeup was often a grounding ritual that helped me come to terms with my own experience of gender. At its worst the reactions it caused — condescending compliments, strange looks, yells of “faggot” from passing cars — could make it feel like a way of inscribing the dissonance between my body and identity on my skin. Those experiences, like those endured by many in my community, are the ones you aren’t so likely to hear about in a beauty ad or the next big pride campaign, because they don’t fit the right narrative. We can’t ignore that these brands are more invested in their own survival than they are in ours, and we owe it to ourselves — and to those who’ll come after us — to be careful with how we allow others to use our stories.

- - -

Source: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/beauty-brands-queer-expression-makeup

[ohlukcs]

( alex wolff, male ) did you hear how LUKAS TOZER is applying to columbia university as a FILM & MEDIA STUDIES major ?! the 19 year old is living in the WALLACH HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + PASSIONATE and +THOUGHTFUL, but honestly i think HE can be -ASSUMING and -CYNICAL. they’re a real MAVERICK. oh well, only time will tell if the SOPHOMORE will make it til the end.

about the mun !!

hi hello my name is sam (she/her), im 22, and im a big fat mess at all times :) um but a lil more about me is that i’m australian and a recently graduated film student lmao. i’ve been rping for like ten years now i think idk but i am a NERVOUS BITCH !!!!!!! and it sometimes takes me forever to reply to things (ic and ooc) bc of that so pls be patient with me lmao. anyway, happy 2 be here !! if u like this post i’m gonna assume u wanna plot with me and my idiot and hit u up !!! lets mcfreakin lose it !!!!

about lukas !!

full name: lukas joshua tozer

nickname(s): luk-ass idk whatever u can come up with lmao

age: nineteen

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

hometown: jackson, new jersey

date of birth: nov 4th

occupation: student ( film and media studies, sophomore ), cook/server at a nearby 24hr pizza joint

relationship status: single

drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

faceclaim: alex wolff

positive traits: passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, untethered, humorous

negative traits: assuming, cynical, insensitive, rebellious, resentful, irresponsible

if he was in a hogwarts house: slytherin

now some more dot points that are just me talking about lukas !!

was born in fort lauderdale florida but there is a vERY low chance he will ever admit that, he’ll just say he’s from new jersey. as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been from new jersey even if his family did move there after he turned twelve

speaking of things lukas probably wont ever tell u but i’m including them anyway: his family is kind of messy. not majorly but like a little bit more than average. he had two brothers, now he only has one. i’m not gonna include a whole lot of nitty gritty here i’ll save it for when i write the real bio and can actually do it justice but its the reason they moved from florida and it has had a pretty major effect on lukas over time obviously

he’s the baby of the family and he’s pretty much always been treated like one. it has left him pretty immature and irresponsible. still learning that his actions have consequences and that he cant just be a total dick all the time. he’s improved in those areas a fair bit since he started at columbia a year ago but he still has a long way to go

he didn’t ever really expect to go to columbia, he’s from a middle class family and his dad didn’t even go to college. he applied for columbia just as a might as well give it a go thing. like maybe it will happen. they had a film course and although the course itself isn’t really great, the connections to the industry available at columbia were valuable enough for him to try. he was wait listed up until basically the last minute, preparing to go to a college in boston instead but when he was accepted he knew he had to go. for himself, for his family, and for his lost brother.

obviously irresponsible attitude has led to some Bad Decision Making including but not limited to partying and drugs. he doesn’t prioritise that lifestyle over his school work (bc he knows how lucky he is to be at columbia at all) but he is a big believer that you need to experience things to be a great artist and he plans on being the greatest artist so bad decision town here we come !!!!

he has a pet goldfish named michael bublé pls dont nark

for more info on him click here to check his about page, no bio there yet but hopefully soon

wanted connections babey !!

course friends/rivals/anything: i am writing these before acceptances happen so i have no good god damn idea if any other characters are film majors but hit me the hell up if they are bc i would love to plot some stuff out

old roommate(s) : lukas was probably an entertaining roommate but probably verged on annoying pretty easily. he’s messy, gross, probably didn’t respect the do ur fucking dishes rule in first year ( probs still doesnt tbh ). but he also has a password to every streaming account plus a phat hard drive full of movies and shows that he is absolutely willing to share with u so just depends what ur into i guess. maybe this connection led to friendship or maybe they hate each other now. im down for either/both 

dealer: hi welcome back to bad decision town. lukas isn’t into any hard stuff but is a big weed smoker (to my understanding medicinal cannabis is allowed but lukas def doesn’t have a prescription), then after that it’s kind of just experimenting. will chat more details if u wanna take this connection

booze leachers: so yes lukas is 19 but he has four, thats right, four fake ids. he is not willing to give u his contact for fake ids but he is willing to buy u booze if u pay him. dont hate the player hate the game

gang gang: pretty much just a close group of friends. i imagine all pretty relaxed, all pretty chill. idk what to say here except i want people to care about him and let him put on dumb movies and watch them with him and probably have dumb matching stick and poke tattoos and hog a communal tv to play mario kart but lets talk about it

fast food workers deserve respect too: as mentioned, lukas works at a 24hr pizza joint near campus which means he’s seen some shit. one of the things he’s seen multiple times is drunk student trashing the place. whether it be vomit, forgetting how to hold a cup, or bet try at a food fight lukas has seen it and he’s cleaned it up too. this connection could be that maybe he helped someone out and cleaned them up and got them back to campus when their friends ditched and now they look out for lukas too and its a positive connection. or maybe lukas hates their guts and spits on their food whenever they show up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who’s to say

hot girl bummer by blackbear: now listen here’s an angsty connection i want, and i def want to plot it out way more with whoever takes it on but basic outline of what i have in mind: they’ve kind of sort of been dating for a while but they’re just falling out of whatever they had to begin with. they were never official, they probs def fucked around with other people while they were ““““together”””””, lots of oh sorry ur taking it so seriously i thought we were just chilling bullshit. all of this girls friends probs hate lukas and he definitely hates them back. were probably once really good friends and had a really good time together but they’ve lost it. will they find it again or will it fizzle out? lets find out together xoxo

new girl(s) : i hate the connection title too but i couldnt think of anything better. we’re in bad decision town and now we’re going to thot street babey. since things have been falling apart with hot girl bummer and even before that lukas a little bit of a thottie. this doesnt mean he’s good at it, please also feel free for a part of this to be that they rejected lukas and he got butt hurt about it idk lukas being attracted to them is basically this whole idea and i would wanna plot the rest of it more depending on specific characters wooo

lukas is a bad influence: if u have gotten this far u may have noticed that lukas is not a very good influence at all. this is someone probs his age or younger that wants to loosen up and have a good time and lukas completely encourages that. bonus points if this connection is a combo with the above connection bc lukas is a gross boi and would be like wow listening to my bad ideas thats so sexy and cool of u ya know. but also doesnt have to be that ! could just be lukas thinks its funny and thinks that someone listening to him is just like good content that could get him on barstool

lukas is badly influenced: this is basic as hell but someone that tells him to leave his impluse control at the door and encourages him to be trash. probs older than him and i def see this as more of a masc connection than a fem but like all my plot ideas: lets talk about it. this one probs v much depends on ur character so gonna leave this one nice and short

lukas is good-ly (??????) influenced: also basic as hell and p much just the opposite of above. someone who is a good influence on lukas. encourages creativity and ambition instead of straight up recklessness. again, i see it as an older character but no gender seen here. a lot of this would be based around ur character so lets chat

michael bublé’s co parents: lukas has a goldfish named michael bublé (or just michael), i picture him having got it while high as heck during the day and just being like This Is A Good Idea. maybe ur character was with him and they were co parents from the start or maybbe they came into the picture later ??? i’m honestly down for whichever just give michael the love he deserves pls

and probably just about anything else these are just some ideas, i totally wanna plot further and brainstorm so please still hmu if none of these fit ur character we’ll plot something up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[worseandworser]

What doesn’t kill you

Chapter 1

This is a weird mix of ABO, chimera!Ed, and the werewolf!Ed, I guess.

Ship: RoyEd

Summary: “You were on a mission,” Ed turns to Alphonse, who carries on with the explanation, “There was this alchemist messing with chimeras, Brigadier general Mustang sent you there to check, and apparently you got caught up in a transmutation.”

Oh. That would explain why Edward can’t remember the basement.

Rating: Mature (chances of turning n/s/f/w)

Warnings/tags: AU, Post fmab, Pining, Scenting, Taller!Ed jhagdcfjh

read on ao3

When the day ahead is not that promising and the bed seems to be the only one who truly understands you, waking up is quite a bother. The sensorial deprivation turns into a safe space, in which you have no obligations other than to carry on shifting between the cadence of dreams. Will you remember them? All those fragments conjured to keep your brain working even when the rest of you doesn’t?

No. That’s the first thing on Edward’s mind when his eyes snap open.

He doesn’t need to look around to know where he is — the roof is white and his clothes are not wool; where the fuck is his underwear? — because the room reeks. Of antiseptic and bleach and whatever other cleaning chemicals and… blood? It sure smells like it. And it’s a weird combo attacking Edward’s nostrils, so strong that it makes him gag.

“Brother?”

Edward blinks, trying to get his vision to work properly, and inhales deeply.

And there it is, a significant change. The hospital’s scent becomes background, almost completely overcome by another. This is one is much more pleasing, however, and Ed takes it in gladly. Orange juice, he muses; not oranges but specifically the juice and in some part of his brain there’s the question if it makes a difference. Apparently, it does.

Its calming effect is instantaneous, reducing the uneasy feeling of being in a hospital to mild annoyance. Edward raises his head looking for the source, only to find Alphonse slowly approaching the bed.

“Hey, Al.”

His voice is hoarse, a bit weak; Alphonse smiles relieved.

“How are you feeling?”

The scent is stronger now, and it fills Edward’s chest with something… comfortable. Like a favorite song or that book he’s read so many times he decorated several excerpts.

“Kinda nauseous, but fine, I guess.”

“Nothing hurts?”

“Nah, I’m alright.”

The younger Elric leans in, pressing his palm against Ed’s forehead as if checking his temperature. His brows are lightly furrowed, but Edward is still too sleepy to curse himself for making his brother worry.

“I’m going to call the doctor, just stay here, okay?”

Ed hums in response and relaxes against the cushions. The scent is so… nice. Comforting, like a hug, and it almost makes him forget that he should be antsy due to his current location.

The door clicks close and he is wrenched to wakefulness. Because suddenly it’s not there anymore.

Correction: it is — but it’s like a shadow, a faint reminiscent of what was once enveloping. Edward’s nose is filled with the disgusting hospital odor, and this is the moment he realizes it is abnormally intense. He has never been to a hospital this stinky, who the fuck brought him here? Stuck between anger and anxiety, Edward scrambles to a sitting position.

“Alphonse!”

His brother’s face pops up through a slight opening at the door, “Yes?”

Orange juice. Edward squints his eyes, and motions for the other to come closer. And Alphonse does, with the questions he doesn’t ask written all over his face. As soon he is within reach, Edward hauls him down by the lapels and breathes. Deeply, only a few inches away from Alphonse’s cheek.

“Brother?”

Edward lets go of him but maintain the closure. Sniffing and sniffing like a dog trying to understand…

“Are you wearing some kind of perfume?”

“I… don’t think so?”

“Did you drink orange juice today?”

“Not that I remember,” Alphonse arches his brows, “Why…?”

Another unusual scent reaches his nostrils, and Edward’s head immediately snaps to its direction. A woman enters the room, checking what looks like a notepad.

“Edward Elric, right?,” she leaves the papers on a desk and pulls a stethoscope from around her neck, “I’m Dr. Becker, I’m just here to ch—”

“Don’t touch me!”

At Ed’s aggressive tone, she jumps back two full steps.

Dr. Becker seems like a good person. She’s young, probably around her late twenties or early thirties, and has a focused expression that surely should transmit security to her patients. Brown eyes and curly hair, the latter tied on a tight bun on top of her head, the white hospital clothes contrasting with her dark skin. She just stands there and slowly raises her hands, as if to show she’s not here to inflict harm.

Except that Edward’s whole body scream that she is.

The scent is… threatening. There’s no other word for it. It’s like coconut but with a salty feel to it, like the smell of the Cretan sea. Those things are not nasty — actually, Ed likes both — but their combination on this specific person in this specific place makes Edward cringe. His muscles are tense and he grips the linens with such strength his knuckles go white.

“Brother, what are you doing?!” Alphonse sound distressed, but Edward is too involved with glaring at the woman in front of him to care.

Dr. Becker intervenes in a low voice:

“It’s okay, he’s still in shock.”

The fear subsides, substituted by curiosity, “In shock?! Why would I be in shock?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Not really.”

“You were on a mission,” Ed turns to Alphonse, who carries on with the explanation, “There was this alchemist messing with chimeras, Brigadier general Mustang sent you there to check, and apparently you—”

Edward winces. Yes, he remembers it now. All of the guy’s experiments had been with animals and — even if the morality of it is questionable — that is completely legal by Amestrian laws. However, he was a major freak and Edward recalls the man squirming when Ed asked to see the basement.

“—got caught up in a transmutation.”

Oh. That would explains why Edward can’t remember the basement.

He’s aware that his lack of reaction is not very helpful to prove that he’s not in shock but, well. Alchemical disasters have been a constant in Edward’s life ever since... always, perhaps. If Alphonse still has got a body and Ed’s limbs are all there then there’s not much to—

“Excuse my language, Doctor, but where the fuck is my leg?”

Becker looks at him with a puzzled expression, “You mean the automail? It was really yours? We had it detached since it was obviously not fit for you, I’m sorry.”

“The hell you mean with not fit, I have the best mechanic in the whole fu—”

“Brother!”

“What I meant, Mr. Elric,” her lips twitch in amusement, “Is that it was more than five centimeters too short for your stature.”

The world freezes. He watches her, eyes wide and jaw slack, searching for the joke — at any moment now she will snap, sike!, and start laughing maniacally. Except that she doesn’t; she holds his gaze with equal intensity.

“You’re messing with me.”

“She’s not,” intervenes Alphonse, “It probably happened because of transmutation, but I can’t be sure. The Brigadier general didn’t let me see the array.”

Edward stares at his lonely flesh leg in disbelief. More than five centimeters. That’s significant, isn’t it? He’s taller than Alphonse now, and that is surely more than he ever thought of accomplishing.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t be that happy yet, Mr. Elric. We have no idea what was done to you or the side effects, so we need you to be very careful and to warn us if you feel any different.”

Side effects, uh.

“I can smell things.”

Alphonse snorts, “Nice.”

“No!” Ed hissed, “I can smell things in a deeper sense like… I don’t know, heightened olfaction or some shit like that.”

Becker takes a few steps closer to the bed. Her scent is tolerable now, mixing with the others and softening. Edward tenses up anyway.

“Well, that’s new,” she says, “I’ve got patients who came out of alchemy accidents with fewer senses, but you’re the first one that tells me you have more.”

Her tone is not even teasing, but some part of Edward takes this as a personal insult and he growls:

“Then I guess you’re not the best one for this job, hm?”

The doctor arches a brow, giving Ed an unsurprised look, “Please, keep your rudeness to yourself, I’m just doing my work.”

Edward’s mood turns to the foulest possible in a matter of seconds. He hates hospitals and everyone involved with them, it’s not even personal. And it’s not his fault if Becker stinks. He is about to tell her that, when he catches a whiff of someone else.

He looks around, but there are only two people besides him in the room; the obvious conclusion is that it comes from the outside. It must be a strong one because the door is closed and yet it still finds its way to Ed’s nostrils. Edward takes a long breath, trying to pinpoint the exact substance, but his brain seems to not be working properly.

It’s good, really good, delicious, even. It makes him dizzy and warm, and he closes his eyes to concentrate on that pleasant feeling. Alluring, that’s the word. Edward wants to know where it comes from, so he can sink into this person and—

Oh no.

“I see you are finally awake, Fullmetal.”

The instant Roy Mustang steps into the room, Edward covers his face with his hands. However, it’s too late; the scent is everywhere, overpowering the others to the point Ed can’t smell anything but that. He reacts with such intensity… He is burning all over, drunk in the man standing by the door.

He’s consumed by the need to touch. To walk to Mustang and press him against his body, until the two of them merge together. He squirms at the thought, feeling the ghost of Roy’s skin underneath his fingertips. He needs.

“Get out!,” he manages to growl.

Mustang blinks at him, confused, “What happened?”

Oh god, his voice.

Edward is dying. He wants to shove Roy against the closest wall and just… shit. There are so many things he wants, all at the same time, and Roy is the protagonist of each one of them. He keeps chanting nonono because there’s this small part of him that insists that he shouldn’t. That it’s wrong to force your commanding officer onto his knees and—

Alphonse is shouting something and so is Dr. Becker and the last thing Ed remembers is a needle on his arm.

[terresdebrume]

Random rambling about a random day

So today was A Day You know when you do a thing you were totally capable of doing before and then your body is like ‘you’re turning thirty next year you numbnugget’? Yeah, that’s me this week. Actually, that’s been me since last Thursday, when I stayed up until 3am ish to write The space between, and then proceeded to send what little was left of my sleep schedule straight to the trash can. To be fair, my working hours just do not work for my natural rhythm. The most refreshing time of my existence was right after I came back from visiting Fel in Korea, when I’d gotten in the habit of being in bed by nine and waking up before seven (no forced methods necessary, it just felt like the right thing to do). This worked because, at the time, my at-work work day started around 10am and ended at 5:30pm, which allowed me to be home by 6pm and do all extraneous work on weekdays before I got to the workplace. (Also I had less teaching hours, which takes a buttload of work off your shoulders, let me tell you.) Unfortunately, I specialize in teaching younger students, who are in after-after-school-classes-classes when they come with us, which means the earliest of them start as 5pm. And I have to be available for them. So I’m stuck with that for the foreseeable future, unless the new boss decides to stop the children’s classes entirely (they are, apparently, not profitable enough). And I mean, I love teaching the kids’ classes, but boy does that make me tired xD

Which is honestly 98% of the reason why today was A Day: I went to work  without my wallet, then came home to get it back because, although a  friend lent me some money for the day, I wouldn’t have been able t  afford lunch and my journey to and from my physiotherapist appointment. I  got home, had lunch, got in a tuktuk to the physiotherapist’s and then   realized my appointment is actually tomorrow. And I couldn’t change my   destination because the driver spoke no English and I couldn’t think of how to express what was happening in Khmer at that moment. (I did, obviously, figure it out right as the tuktuk was leaving, after I paid :P) Then  I got back to work and, because I’d been away longer than planned or   necessary, I had to finish a thing I’d planned to finish earlier,   meaning I didn’t have time to prepare my kids’ class (which I guess is   one more reason why I should try to do that on the weekends/in the   morning but that’s my free/sleeping time, NO) so I had to improvise 1h30  of class which was...interesting. I’m just glad I have a couple   time-consuming rituals and their languages skills are small enough to   make any new activity a bit of an ordeal (so anyway, they learned the   word ‘and’ and how to pronounce a bunch of letters combos that they   didn’t know before, so there’s that). The strange thing is, I’m   super tired (and should be in bed rn but I got home past 8pm which means  I haven’t even had two hours of post-work leisure time yet so we’ll   deal for another couple minutes) but at the same time I’m proud of   myself because I managed to improvise in a constructive and somewhat   interesting way! We’ve been doing a lot of talking about kids’ classes   these days because up until now the motto was ‘who cares about writing, we want to make them want to keep going with french’ which was cool but  also led to some problems...and anyways, the new (well, he’s been here  for nearly six-ish months now so…) boss wants to introduce written   French in these classes. Meaning I’m experimenting a ton of new stuff  with my classes (I have a double level this session! it’s exhausting! And complicated! But I’m managing! it’s doing me a proud!) and setting things up in a more efficient way! Which I have to say is doing   wonder for my self esteem and ego. Like, literally, this morning my   friend Julie called me organized which LOL, one more point in favor of   the fake it till you make it column xD Anyways, I don’t know,   this post suddenly just turned into ‘things I want to do at work this   year’ and I’m not sure how but I’ll take it. One of my medium-length   term projects (in between putting money on the side to visit trovia this  summer) is to invest in a school supplies box of wonder for myself and  my class. I get MAJOR envy whenever I see people post pictures of their  classroom which is THEIRS and they have all the material needed and  whatnot! And I’m not planning on bringing everything I need to work with  myself but I’m tired of always having to split insufficient material  between three classes (because HR gripes about buying scissors for the  kids to often but apparently okayed a new TV screen for the lobby, which  I’m a little salty about) and so I figure if I could just make sure I  always have:

  1 mini whiteboard (whatever you call these in English, I don’t feel like looking it up rn) per student

1 whiteboard marker per student (I actually had that at one point   until I forgot to ask for them back one too many time (or someone needed  to borrow one idk) because I tend to pick up the ones my colleagues   don’t use anymore and they’re refillable which is good enough for what I  do with them)

1 box of color pencils per student (or at least, per two students)

1 pencil, eraser, pair of scissors, stick of glue, pencil sharpener and black pen per student

My  life as a teacher would be that much easier and less stressful tbh. Not  to mention I might get work to pay for some of that, which would be  double nice, but I’m not counting on it too much. I’m just tired of   having to ruffle through my own cases and realize I keep losing stuff   because the kids plain don’t remember to hand things back and I don’t   remember to ask for it often enough. (Also I don’t want to deal with the hassle of fighting a ten years old who doesn’t even seem to realize  that ‘his’ marker is the freaking marker he forgot to hand back, I know  because I remember the use patterns on that one). Anyway what I  get from this post so far is I’m tired (which I knew) and more than a  little anal when it comes to work and I let myself indulge in it (which I  did not know for many years but am more and more acutely aware of, and  also I might make a post specifically about that) and all semblance of  coherence flies right out the window as soon as I’m not a) at work or b)  writing—and even then, sometimes it’s a tenuous grasp. Man am I rambly. Oh  well. Maybe one day I’ll talk about work more, it’ll do me some good to  reflect on my methods and/or brag about my progresses in organizational  skills. In the meantime, I’m gonna sign off and go collapse on my best  for a while—kudos to anyone who read that far, and see you all later. Also, reminder to self: I need to signal boost a thing from DW sometimes this week. Maybe tomorrow morning.

[ccxminki-blog]

hello friends !! thank you all for the lovely welcomes; i’m in the process of replying to them now, but please forgive me if i’m a little slow. this is not my first time here in cc as a mun, but it is minki’s first run as a muse and i’m super excited to start playing him here ! a bit of general info: he’s 21 years old, a magical hero, a student at pusan national university ( dance major ) and a rookie idol - specifically, one of the members of miracle era ( stylized as m.ea ) under the stage name ren. if you ask him, he’ll say he’s the most important member of the group but, you know, he’s biased. in a nutshell, he’s on the bratty side of things, confident, slight attention whore, and a combo of loud, rambunctious, and fun-loving. he takes his idol image pretty seriously but he’s also periodically an asshole, so his two sides are constantly in conflict. 

i would love to plot all the things for him uwu i have a few plot ideas under the cut but i’m also always open to brainstorming either here or on twitter !!  you can also like this post and i’ll slide into your ims but... i think that’s it for now ?? pls love me.

SMOL PLOT IDEAS:

you’ve been a closet m.ea fan since debut and you always try and play it cool around me but i low key caught you being an embarrassing fan once and i’m starting to catch on

you know i’m an idol even though you’re not really a fan but you always look at me like i’m some kind of science experiment you’d love to study and i’m getting tired of it like, can you back the fuck off? 

alternatively, you have no clue i’m an idol and i never bothered to tell you so whenever i make vague excuses about being busy, you ask me if i’m batman or something and get confused whenever we run into a fan

i stole your seat in the library during exam season once and you vowed to have your revenge on me for it and now you’re going to get it - somehow you got an unflattering picture of me that could damage my image and i’ll do anything to keep you from posting it on the internet

i barely show up to class and always ask to borrow your notes and you’re really getting tired of always covering for me but please, i really need this and i’ll give you whatever you want in return

i use the film club as an excuse to watch a lot of movies and since i hate the idea of watching a movie alone, i always drag you along to the theatre with me and pay for your ticket & popcorn ( but these aren’t dates, okay?) 

we started dming on twitter late one night when i couldn’t sleep and bonded and now we talk to each other all the time but we still haven’t met face to face even though you apparently live nearby 

we’re both rookie heroes but i couldn’t care less about training and shit while you’re a hardass who is determined to whip me into shape because i ‘drag the team down.’ well, good luck buddy.

we became friends after i joined the league and you’re just about the only hero i can stand to work with because i don’t really trust anyone to watch my back except for you

we take care of a stray cat together except i’m allergic and spend 90% of my time sneezing and miserable when i’m around it... so it’s mostly you taking care of the cat and me financing its food and watching the two of you from afar. still, we’re family now. kind of

i accidentally cut myself on something and now i’m bleeding like fucking crazy but i don’t really seem to realize or feel it while you’re freaking out and trying to convince me to take care of it and go to the doctor

we went drinking together and had a #wild night but it’s morning now, we’re both hungover and can’t remember what the fuck happened. also, no one has an answer for the goat in the living room 

i’m working out for a comeback and i hate it and i swear to god you only come to gym to mock and/or laugh at me. oh wait, you want to help me work out? i’m suspicious but desperate so, sure

we became friends before i became an idol and now we don’t talk a lot but you’re still the first person i call or go to whenever something big and important happens in my life. i also crash at your place whenever i want to get away and never do the dishes ( you’re tired of it but you love me )

i have a habit of wandering around at night because of my insomnia. i don’t know what your deal is, but i don’t like being alone so i usually cling to you and follow you around whenever i see you after hours 

OTHERS: obligatory best friend, enemies, crushes, drinking buddies, neighbours,younger brother figures, exes, other people in the idol industry, dude i like your hairstyle, etc. anything and everything you can think of, come at me with it.

FIRST TIMELINE: i, an angst hoe, would love to plot out some angsty first timeline relationships & encounters so pls hmu if you’re also into that

[is-osana-here-yet]

Comparing Lunar Scythe and Yandere Simulator 1/? : Character Design

This is Luna, her backstory as written by Dev is:

The main character is a girl in her late teens named Luna. Luna is obsessed with an idea; the idea that this world is full of people who don't deserve to live. Murderers, thieves, kidnappers, human traffickers, drug dealers, arms dealers, arsonists, scam artists, identity thieves - Luna desperately wishes she could do something to rid the planet of such people, but she feels like there is nothing she could do that would ever make a difference. At the beginning of the game, Luna dies. As Luna's spirit looks down at her own body, she feels nothing but apathy. She didn't want to live in a world filled with human filth, anyway. That's when Death shows up. Death looks into her soul to determine which afterlife she belongs in, and he is surprised at what he finds within her. He learns that she is free of sin, yet her strongest desire is to take millions of lives. While examining this pale girl clad entirely in black who yearns to kill, Death feels as though he's looking at his own reflection for a moment. Death decides that Luna may be able to serve him a purpose. Instead of sending her soul to the afterlife, Death makes Luna an offer. "I'll bring you back to life, if you agree to bring me human souls." Luna is shocked by his offer. "But I don't want to kill innocent people!" "Then do not kill the innocent," Death replies. "Kill the guilty." "But who are the guilty?" She asks. "That's for you to decide," Death replies. Death is offering her the authority and the power to kill anyone she thinks deserves to die - and she thinks that a LOT of people deserve to die. She doesn't want to come back to life and return to a miserable world filled with criminals, sadists, and psychopaths...but if she had the power to purify this sinful world, she could create a world that she actually wants to live in. And so, Luna accepts the offer, not to become Death, but to become Justice. Death resurrects Luna, gives her a giant scythe, and grants her superhuman powers that become active at midnight. By day, Luna is an ordinary girl who works part-time jobs to scrape by...and by night, she is the judge, jury, and executioner of her city, an agent of death. If Luna does not bring him enough souls, Death will take her life. Luna asks Death how many souls he wants, and what her deadline is. Because Death does not perceive time the same way that mortals do - in terms of seconds, minutes, or hours - he cannot give her a specific date. As he looks upward in contemplation, he notices that the moon is full. And so, he decides that Luna must use the scythe to deliver a specific number of souls to him by the end of the lunar cycle. Hence the name of the game, "Lunar Scythe." (What do you think? Corny?) The game takes place over the course of a year. After each full moon, Death demands more souls by the next full moon. So, Luna has to kill more and more people to meet her quota each month. What Luna doesn't know is that she's not the only dead girl that Death has brought back to life! He has also resurrected other recently deceased girls who each have the capacity to take millions of lives. Every time there is a full moon, Luna will fight another resurrected dead chick wielding a giant energy weapon. The game takes place in 2015, and there are 13 full moons in 2015, meaning Luna will have to face 13 of these enemies in total.

What is Death plotting? Why does he want mortals to gather souls for him? What will happen once Luna has defeated all of the other dead girls?

You'll have to play the game to find out. ^.~

Alex has given her a fairly simple backstory that could easily be expanded on. In the forum he presented this in, he gets some good feedback on her character wise. The people pose questions such as “what is her goal?” and “well this bit doesn’t make sense because .....” 

We already know Dev made Ayano a blank slate, because when he presented Lunar Scythe, he was met with what he saw as “harsh criticism.” However in the forum no one is really that harsh. Most tend to clue in that Alex doesn’t take critique well, and pose their thoughts in ways such as “well think about why she does this, who made her like this...” One of the major problems fans have with Yandere Simulator, is the lack of personality/story for Ayano. One could say Ayano is meant to be a self insert for the player, but the problem is she is legit nothing. A self insert in other games typically has a base story, and the interpretations of a character are formed based on the choices that the player makes. In otome games, Persona 5, Fallout, you can choose dialogue options. It’s up to the player to pick the snarky comment, the kind comment ect... The only way a player could form an interpretation of Ayano is through elimination methods. Do they stab a person? Blackmail? Pair them up with someone else? Either way the only focus on these options is Ayano’s perspective on removing someone from Taro’s life. The player can’t decide why Ayano loves Taro. What kind of person Ayano is. 

I tried my best to make sure that Luna wasn't a Mary Sue. There are a lot of details about Luna that I left out... Luna's younger sister, Stella, was a child genius and a celebrity. Chess grandmaster, master of four instruments, wrote and published a best-selling novel, graduated college, performed surgery - all before the age of 12. Luna was never able to measure up to her little sister in any way, which left her with a horrible inferiority complex. As soon as Stella started pulling in tons of money and making the family famous, her parents practically forgot that Luna existed. Luna tried everything to get her parents' attention - causing trouble at school, wearing bizarre fashion, dying her hair crazy colors - but this only pushed her parents further away. She moved out at age 18, and she hasn't spoken to them since. She doesn't bother reading any news related to her younger sister, preferring to pretend that she doesn't even exist. The goth fashion and dyed hair became a part of her identity after so many years, so she still keeps a little bit of dye in her hair and wears gothic accessories from time to time. Luna started struggling immediately after moving out. She barely graduated high school, she can't make friends easily, she can't hold down a job, and can't afford to pay her rent. She's depressed, miserable, and desperate when she finally dies. Even after her resurrection, she still lacks the qualifications or experience for any full-time job, and has to keep doing lousy part-time jobs to scrape by. She literally has nothing going for her, other than the fact that she gets superpowers for a brief period of time at midnight...then it's back to being a failure at life.

Again, this is very underdeveloped. Why can’t she hold down a job? Doesn’t she learn? Is being depressed just part of her character? Alex refused to give Ayano a backstory, because he decided that if people didn’t like what he wrote for Luna, they wouldn’t like what he wrote for Ayano. Ayano has been given a few backstory prompts, sort of. The biggest being “Ayano can’t feel anything”, however people criticise Ayano’s character because it contradicts the very basis of her, she’s a yandere. It feels like Alex has just recycled the murderous intent from Luna, removed her backstory and stuck it into Ayano. There is no “deredere” to contrast the “yan” side of her, making her boring and dull.

People began saying Luna looks too generic, looks like Ryuko from Kill La Kill, Ruby Rose from RWBY, and Cassie Hack from Hack/Slash. People also though she looked too “edgy”, typical busty goth anime girl. When met with this criticism, Alex went around commissioning different artist to come up with a different design for his character. He asked the forum what they liked best. The designs presented were:

And this, is Ayano’s concept art.

Ayano’s first design shares some similarities to Luna. The red/black palette. Short hair. It seems as though Alex abandoned the original “having a distinct silhouette” and opted for having a plain design. Ayano is not easily recognisable, as she looks like any other Japanese middle school student. In the forum, he is constantly asking for harsh criticism. He says he want to improve the character. He often asks what other people would suggest instead. 

As he’s met continuously with criticism about the practicality of this all, he states:

I'm totally aware of how ridiculously impractical it would be to use a scythe as a weapon...in real life. But this is a video game, where the Rule of Cool is the only rule I need. I'm willing to throw realism and practicality out the window for the sake of having the coolest weapon possible, and to me, that's got to be an energy scythe. An umbrella isn't a practical weapon to use in a fight, either, but that doesn't stop Parasoul. You can argue that Parasoul is using a special fantasy umbrella that shoots projectiles - and, likewise, my character is using a special sci-fi scythe with an energy blade rather than a solid blade, which opens up combat options that a grass-cutting tool does not.

I agree that the costume is impractical, but that doesn't matter to me very much. Once again, I'm willing to completely suspend my disbelief as long as something looks cool enough...or sexy enough. I'd rather have an impractical and cool-looking character than a completely realistic, practical, boring character. With that said, it may be entirely possible for her to be wearing a much more cool-looking outfit than her current corset / skirt combo...but whatever outfit I eventually decide on will definitely not be restrained by practicality. So, what would you suggest for the outfit?

It seems like this is what fuelled Alex to make Ayano so boring. Ayano seems like she’s just a huge “fuck you” to the people that criticised Luna. Ayano is very practical. Very realistic. To the point of boredom. People continually state Luna’s character is boring and too simple, his response:

The reason I wanted to give the protagonist a simple hairstyle is because I haven't been able to get cloth physics or long hair physics working in my game engine. But, of course, that's a personal failing, and shouldn't restrict the character's appearance. So, what would you suggest for the hairstyle?

Having short hair fits with the first design of Ayano. Perhaps his engine still was that bad that he couldn’t get physics working. Personally, I feel like Alex continuing to ask people for suggestions when met with any criticism becomes very passive aggressive. Every single comment is met with that. It comes off as “well if you think it sucks, tell me how I should do it then.” You cannot saying the hair is generic without giving an alternate suggestion according to Alex.

He also gets upset over someone stating there was no reason for having a young white female protagonist. Keep in mind Ayano too, is a young white female protagonist.

What's wrong with having a young, white, female protagonist? If this is a "social justice warrior" thing, I'm definitely not going to argue about that subject in this thread. The costume is my primary concern here.

Alex quickly abandons is old “please critique my work!” rhetoric and writes this rant defending his choices.

About the cleavage, midriff, and legs...well, there is a story-related reason why she desires to dress up in a sexy outfit when she fights, but even if there wasn't a plot-related reason, I'm going to fall back on the Rule of Sexy. I absolutely love sexy-looking femme fatale characters. ...aren't we on...the Skullgirls forum...?...

This goes back to Alex is making a game for himself. A character for himself. He is sexualizing this girl and is lying about having a story related reason for the sexy outfit. He does the same thing with the characters of Yandere Simulator. 

I really hate over-designed characters with too many belts and zippers and random useless accessories hanging off of every limb...but I really don't think my character suffers from that problem. She's got a pretty simple outfit. There are some details, sure, but I don't feel the design approaches the DeviantArt level of ridiculous over-design. Everything about the character's design, however implausible it might seem at first glance, does have a justification. The reason she dyes her hair, the reason Death thought a scythe would suit her best, the reason she wears a sexy outfit - it's all worked into her backstory. Is that what you're talking about? I didn't really purposefully make the game's storyline dark for the sake of being dark - I just made it a story that appeals to me, and dark things happen to appeal to me, so the story came out really, really dark. I guess you could say that my over-abundant enthusiasm for impractical weapons, sexy outfits, and super dark-and-edgy plot elements is totally steering the design and direction of this game. (However, because the game takes place predominantly in LITERALLY dark environments, it may be a good idea to give her a brighter color scheme...) Maybe it's because all of these aspects of her design appeal 100% to my personal tastes, but I just can't imagine that choosing to go with this character design could actually result in "practically no revenue". Is that what you're really suggesting? Or are you just saying that every time I make a decision about a character's appearance, I should treat that decision, no matter how minor, as being a choice that could ruin the game financially? Because that doesn't seem realistic to me, either... Anyway, why even criticize the original design? I'm ready and willing to replace it with one of the new re-designs that I posted. So, please tell me what it is you like / dislike about the NEW designs.

The thread goes into gameplay a little more, and then Alex says this:

I'm starting to think I made this thread a little too soon. I mean, I'm TOTALLY aware that I could never, ever ship a game that plays exactly like that prototype you played. Obviously, the final game won't just be killing sets of 5 dudes over and over. Obviously, the final game won't have that lame death animation. Obviously, the final game won't have a special move that is just spinning in a circle. But since people are getting the wrong idea, I guess it was a mistake to post that prototype and call it a "demo". Maybe I should have called it a "proof of concept". Or maybe I should have called it a "programming test". Or maybe I shouldn't have posted anything at all just yet...

It’s quite similar to the pity party he threw himself when his game was critiqued by Mike Z. Alex posts more designs for his character at this point

We go back to Luna’s goal and backstory, and Alex just keeps stating that she hates bad people and wants to rid the world of them. He states a few times “you have to play the game to find out” A similar tactic used with core plot points in Yandere Simulator.

What I’ve gathered from looking at Luna and Ayano together, Ayano is Luna. Same sadistic side. Lack of empathy. Similar beta designs and motifs. Ayano just had Luna’s backstory removed because Alex didn’t want to face criticism again.